What Does Virginity Mean To Lesbians, Queer Women

Skip navigation!

Begin Slideshow

Photographed by Natalia Mantini.

According to recent estimates, 1 in 50 Brits identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual in the UK and it seems that number only gets higher when you look at today's teens. Yet, when people talk about "losing your virginity" as a sexual right of passage, it's almost always discussed in heteronormative terms: A woman gets her cherry "popped" via male penetration, and suddenly, neither of them are virgins anymore. But outside of male-female relationships, what does it mean to "lose your virginity"?

Queer women, in particular, seem to face a murky definition of virginity (in pop culture references, at the very least), since male penetration isn't always part of the equation. Should they set their own parameters for when their virginity is "lost"? Or should they dismiss the concept of virginity completely?

To help bring their voices to the forefront of the virginity conversation, we spoke with lesbian, bisexual, and otherwise queer women about what the term means to them, and how that definition has evolved throughout their lives. As one woman put it: "I don't have to define what I experience or make it a big thing — and I love that."

Ahead, seven women explain how the concept of virginity has (or hasn't) shaped their sexual lives.

More from Sex & Relationships

What Is Mgen? The STI You Probably Haven’t Heard Of

Many of us haven’t heard of Mgen. If you’re on TikTok, you may have seen a few videos about the bacterial illness circulating recently but even so,

by Tanyel Mustafa

What If We Told You That Your Icks Say More About You Than Them?

“Men chasing after ping pong balls! It’s so embarrassing for everyone involved.” This is just one of the answers that dropped into my inbox after I a

by Tanyel Mustafa

Forget “Icks,” Here Are Our Oddly Specific Turn-Ons

Team Unbothered is looking for someone to match our freak. This is our exhaustive, extensive, roadmap of thirst.

by Kathleen Newman-B...

I’m A Straight Black Woman Dating A Woman & Labels Are Complicated

It’s not that deep. That’s what I tell myself whenever my pen hesitates over boxes on a form, under the ‘sexual orientation’ section. It’s

I’m Happy Being Single, But…

How long have you, or your friends, been single? For at least one person in your circle, the answer is likely to be well over a year — if not years. (In

by Tanyel Mustafa

“I Don’t Miss It”: Celibacy Is Bringing Some Women Peace

Celibacy has had a rebrand. Previously, celibacy was often intertwined with religious ideas of purity and chastity, but for women today the concept is much

by Tanyel Mustafa

What’s A Cock Ring And Should You Be Using One?

Want To Orgasm Faster? Try This

There are plenty of articles on the internet instructing men how to make a woman come in five minutes, 10, or 15. But what if a woman wants to learn to mak

by Erika W. Smith

Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce Have (Almost) Survived Cuffing Season

For years, I thought cuffing season was fake — something we made up and clung onto each fall as a beacon of hope for the prospect of love (or any kind of

by Elizabeth Gulino

PSA: There’s up to 50% Off LELO’s Luxury Sex Toys For...

by Charlotte Lewis

4 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Think You Are In A Toxic Relat...

Trigger warning: This article contains themes of abuse. If spending time with your partner feels like it drains, upsets or hurts you, you might be in a tox

by Erika W. Smith

6 Signs You Just Had An Orgasm

You might have heard an orgasm described as a vaginal sneeze or called “la petite mort” — French for “the little death.” Others might describe or

by Erika W. Smith