Happy Holidays From The Belchers!

Illustrated by Jenny Kraemer.
Dear friends and family,
Another Christmas letter, all right! Louise wanted us to charge $5 for digital downloads and $10 for paper copies. She says The New York Times does it — and Mr. Skin, too. I don't know how I feel about that second one, but that's my little scam artist entrepreneur. Always thinking of ways to help the family, especially around the holidays.
Gene wants me to tell that you should go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdJ7tzYTl3w (type it into the computer, he says) to see the full rendition of "Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl," the cute little number he wrote for his Die Hard musical. It had choreography and everything.
I keep telling Bob he's a future Stephen Sondheim, but Bob says he needs Gene to take over the restaurant. Maybe they can turn it into one of those singing diners where the waiters dance at your table. They're so much fun! Oh, Bob is telling me to say, "Over his dead body." Not in the Christmas letter...so morbid, that one.
Tina continues to live her best life à la Oprah by waking up every morning to write. When I ask to see what she's working on, she says I'm not ready for this jelly. I know she has her stories about her friends and ones about zombies, which are very popular right now. Have you seen that show The Walking Dead? I bet zombies would be really healthy because of how they're on their feet all day. If they weren't dead, they'd be super alive. (Huh, that's pretty weird to think about.)
Anyway, I promised Bob I would keep it short this year after all of the kids' artwork we included sent last year's letter into extra postage territory. We send out one personal letter a year, though. Would it kill him to spring for more stamps?
Happy holidays to you and yours!
Linda, Bob, Tina, Gene, and Louise
P.S. I promised Tina she could include a poem at the end, so take it away, Tina:
Butts, by Tina Belcher
Torture me
Take me to a higher place
Shake it, Jimmy Jr.
All right, Tina!

More from Movies


R29 Original Series