What On Earth Is Going To Happen On The "Unbelievable" Bachelor Finale?

So far, the Bachelor finale has been hawked as "explosive," epic, unedited, uncut, "phenomenal," "unlike anything [you've] seen," and "heartbreaking." Now, The Bachelor has burned audiences before. The show is the boy, and these promos sound a lot like "Woooooooooolf!" Because, in truth, we've definitely seen this before, and it's definitely going to be edited, and, given the lack of interest in Arie Luyendyk, Jr., is anyone going to be that heartbroken?
"It was so much worse than anything, ever, in Bachelor history — I feel like it is probably the worst heartbreak in the show's history," former contestant Caroline Lunny told The Hollywood Reporter following the Women Tell All two weeks ago. The Bachelor-adjacents really want us to believe the season will be good.
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"If you are a critic of Arie’s season, I would tell you to wait. Just wait," host Chris Harrison told THR, "and prepare to have your mind blown. It will be a phenomenal finish. If there are critics out there, then trust that it’s going to be phenomenal."
Robert Mills, the show's executive producer, told Entertainment Tonight, "This finale is really unlike anything we’ve seen." (He also admitted there had been "growing pains" this season, as the show adjusted to having a less-experienced Bachelor.) Even if you haven't been watching this season, he suggested, you should tune in for the finale. It's going to be compelling television. Oh, and it's unprecedented.
This is hard to believe, given that The Bachelor follows a strict formula. The lead has to pick between two women. There have been two instances in which the Bachelor has diverged from the ending: Brad Womack once declined to pick anyone, and Jason Mesnick changed his mind after the finale, crawling back to his runner-up. (Womack went on to be the Bachelor again; Mesnick married his runner-up and has been happily wed ever since.) Heartbreaking finales have been had before. Sometimes, the heartbreak is even fairly banal.
Rachel Lindsay's season of The Bachelorette ended with a devastating goodbye between finalist Peter Kraus and Lindsay. Lindsay cried her eyelashes off, and Kraus wailed into his sweatshirt. After Lindsay left, Kraus said he walked by her discarded eyelashes for "days." Their breakup felt all too real, and all too heartbreaking.
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Which is to say, we've seen it all. What could the season 22 Bachelor finale possibly have in store? Us Weekly and E! are reporting that Luyendyk proposed to one woman, then split for his runner-up. In Bachelor-world, that's called Mesnicking, and it's been done before. (Snore.) Here are our theories as to what might happen — and be interesting.
Arie Luyendyk, Jr. chooses Becca Kufrin, then Lauren Burnham, but Burnham rejects him.
What if the massively foreshadowed heartbreak belongs to Luyendyk himself? It's not often that the Bachelor himself gets rejected, and it would certainly make for an abrupt ending.
Luyendyk chooses Burnham, but later picks Kufrin On the After The Final Rose special, Luyendyk proposes, and Kufrin says no.
More heartbreak for Arie. (Is it wrong to be delighted at the prospect of Luyendyk being hurt?)
Luyendyk backpedals even farther to scoop up signature chill contestant Kendall Long.
Becca K. and Lauren B. are devastated, and Kendall refuses an engagement, but agrees to date him.
Luyendyk himself breaks off everything with everyone.
We call that Womack-ing. But, in this case, Luyendyk will not be invited back to the franchise. (Too much munching on dates, my friend.)
Luyendyk chooses Kufrin, then Burnham, pulling a Mesnick. On After the Final Rose, all the women of The Bachelor gather in front of a staircase and re-enact the finale of Big Little Lies.
The real tragedy is that no one got Laura Dern involved.
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