Kate Winslet is an amazing, talented woman. She's beautiful, stylish, and always a tour de force on screen. And because that's not enough coolness in one sentence, she recently wed her boyfriend, whose name is actually, legally Ned Rocknroll (né Abel Smith).
The pair got hitched in a small ceremony earlier this month in NYC, and rumors are swirling that Leonardo DiCaprio gave her away (don't ask questions; just accept that your life will never be as wonderful). This is Kate's third marriage and Mr. Rocknroll's second. She's been dating the businessman since 2011, and in case you need further clarification, that's not his given name, though he did have it legally changed. Why one would adopt such a colorful surname while continuing to go by "Ned" is slightly perplexing...and anticlimactic. He should've changed it to Princess Consuela Bananahammock Rocknroll, clearly.
Jokes aside, we're quite sure he's a lovely man and that the two of them will be very happy together! Congratulations, lovebirds! Now, off to the bridal suite where Kid Rock will feed you chocolate-covered McNuggets as you languish around on a bedspread printed with Mick Jagger's face, or whatever it is famous people with wild names like to do. (Just Jared)