This Is What Went Down In Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Big NBC Premiere

Photo: Courtesy of NBC.
A dark television day came in early May 2018 when FOX officially announced its cancellation of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Immediately, social media denizens raged against the loss, as B99 was seen as a beacon of what the world could look like. In an era when Donald Trump and police brutality often lead headlines, the multicultural, LGBTQ+-loving, woman-powered adventures of FOX’s beloved law enforcement officers was a goofy ray of light. Then that light disappeared.
Thankfully in less than 35 hours, NBC — the network that owns and produces Brooklyn Nine-Nine in the first place — resuscitated the Andy Samberg-led series and promised it would return during the 2018-2019 season. Now, that day has finally arrived with Thursday night's season 6 premiere of B99, “Honeymoon.”
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The 2019 season opener proves the Nine-Nine hasn’t lost a step in their big move. Actually, they just might be funnier than ever. So let’s answer your most burning questions to figure out why.
Are the credits intact?
Yes, exactly, meaning star Andy Samberg is still sporting the flippiest, tallest hair of his life in the title sequence.
Did Holt (Andre Braugher) get the NYPD Commissioner job?
Yes… and then no. In the first seconds of “Honeymoon,” Holt announces he got the job. Then, when Holt rereads the email he received at the end of the season 5 finale aloud, the captain realizes it says he did not get the job. For extra emphasis, Holt can’t stop incredulously saying, “I will not be the new Commissioner.” It breaks everyone's heart.
Oh, so that explains the teases of Holt on Jack and Amy’s honeymoon?
In a way. Following the chaos of almost series finale “Jack & Amy,” where the Santiago-Peraltas’ original wedding was cancelled due to a bomb, “Honeymoon” confirms the couple recouped all their money via wedding insurance. Of course Type-A “wizard” Amy (Melissa Fumero) is the one one who obtained the insurance in the first place.
With the extra “stacks on stack on stacks,” the newlyweds head to Mexico for a five-star, all expenses paid honeymoon. They find themselves in a magical land where hotel staff can put any frozen beverage in a coconut and men run to get Amy grapes. Noice. Toight.
In non-noice, non-toight happenings, Holt is also at the resort. After losing the commissionership to John Kelly (Alan Brooks), a hardline cop with proto-stop and frisk policies, Holt, a queer man of color, mindlessly got on a plane to Mexico to forget his troubles.
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...Is Holt in Mexico in his captain’s uniform?
No, he bought a parcel of novelty tees at a nearby gift shop. What’s up, beaches?
This sounds bad.
It is! A dejected Holt ends up following Jake and Amy throughout their romantic trip, hanging out with them in the pool, sliding between them during spa visits, and crowding the two-person flower tub.
Things take take a turn for the weird when Holt realizes this is all ridiculous. He announces he’s heading back to New York, which is good news. He’s also planning to quit the force, which is very bad news. Jake responds in the only way he knows how and locks Holt in the Santiago-Peraltas’ room. The only problem is, this happens at the exact moment Amy has donned a sexy Die Hard cosplay outfit in an effort to spice up the honeymoon again.
Amy’s boss sees her as sex-ready Holly Gennaro (Bonnie Bedelia) and things will never be the same. However, this isn’t even the worst part of Holt’s short-term kidnapping (he’s tied up to keep him from career immolation). As the Santiago-Peraltas attempt to convince Holt not to throw in the towel, he is repeatedly rude to Jake. This infuriates Amy, a woman at the end of her hoots.
The hurt newlyweds abandon Holt in their bed.
Everything still ends nicely right?
Of course, this is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Holt uses some extra lube hanging around the hotel room to escape. At this point, he has come to his senses. Holt apologizes to his friends, pledges to openly criticize John Kelly’s regressive policies, and heads back to NYC.
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With Holt gone, Jake and Amy can get back to their sexy cosplay. Not only does babealicious Holly Gennaro return, but now Jake is dressed as sexy Melvil Dewey, creator of the Dewey Decimal System.
Well that’s nice. But is the Nine-Nine okay?
Don’t fret — everyone back home is great. Gina (Chelsea Peretti) tries to protect Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) from finding out her mom (Sandra Bernhard) cheated on his dad (Stephen Root). Her line of subterfuge doesn’t work, but it does prove Gina seriously cares about the Boyle men’s feelings.
Elsewhere in the office, Terry (Terry Crews) tries to figure out how to lead in Holt’s absence. Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) helps yogurt's biggest fan realize he knew the answers all along.
So soft. So kind.
And, finally, what is the best out-of-context line of the episode?
“Clearly, the pineapple is the slut.”
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