What You've Believed All Along Is True: Beyoncé Knows Your Future

Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
We didn't need another reason to believe that Beyoncé had divine powers, but the internet went ahead and gave us one anyway. If you've ever wanted to ask Queen B to predict your future, now you can with Beyonséance, an online, Bey-ified take on a Ouija board that answers your deepest questions, mainly using Beyoncé lyrics.
Created by artists Fati Jafri and April Pascua, developer and animator Danielle Clemons, and sound designer Toga Cox, Beyonséance is not officially associated with nor endorsed by Beyoncé herself. (No word yet on Bey's divination practice of choice, although we're sure she has one — well, we hope she does.) More accurately, the site channels her essence and answers your queries using song titles, lyrics, or phrases you may have heard from the artist.
Ask Beyonséance if you'll have kids, and it will respond cryptically, "baby boy." Meanwhile, questions about your marital prospects prompt the fragmented answer, "a ring on it." I went so far as to ask when I will die and I was told to "be waiting." Too true, Queen B. Death comes for us all.
If the spirit moves you, you can share 'Yoncé's insights on Facebook or Twitter, or simply download them for safekeeping. We'd argue that even algorithmically generated words of wisdom from Beyoncé are still worth taking to heart. Plus, an online Ouija board is spared from the unconscious movements an IRL planchette is normally subjected to by your fellow players, so, in a sense, this is about as impartial as Ouija predictions come.
One thing's for sure: Communing with an online version of a still-living pop icon is a lot less risky than reaching out to the world of the dead with a regular Ouija board. Run a few of your own questions by Beyonséance and let us know how it goes — as long she doesn't tell you "boy bye," you're probably in the clear.

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