"My straight friends tell me that they almost never have oral or anal sex. Some of them also dislike mutual masturbation. So I assume they are just masturbating from their side of the bed with some kisses maybe," one person wrote.
"They get in bed, pull covers over themselves, then start a dance ritual to get the woman pregnant. Such ferocious creatures," wrote another.
"Christ, now I'm thinking about it. Gross," one man wrote, to which pepperoni_pizzazz quickly responded with a way to avoid heterosexual influence. "QUICK! Before the thoughts cause you to contract the straight," he wrote. "splashes holy water THE POWER OF RIHANNA COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF RIHANNA COMPELS YOU!"
Others on the thread detoured from how straight sex actually works, and brought up an even more important topic: how seeing straight people out and about is corrupting the children.
"Between 90 to 95% of kids born to straight couples grow up to identify as straight. Clearly they use this as a way to
recruit indoctrinate more heterosexuals," one person wrote.
The comments never comes to a clear consensus on how straight people actually do have sex, but that's obviously the point. The whole thread is just a way to poke fun at the microagressions LGBTQ people often face. Because straight people actually do ask us how gay sex works, and they don't mean it as a joke.
So, if you're straight and considering asking a queer friend how sex actually works for them, please don't. For one thing, is it really that hard to imagine how people of the same gender could please each other in bed? And for another, it's not our responsibility to reveal intimate details of our sex lives just to educate you — if you're really curious, ask Google.
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