These Bachelor Villains Hooking Up Are What America Needs Right Now

Chad Johnson and Corinne Olympios hooking up would be like Beyoncé and Jay Z getting married, full stop. We're talking about two people at the top of their field joining forces and putting America in the backseat while they drive the culture car wherever the hell they feel like. For Jay and Bey, that field was music. For Chad and Corinne, that field is Bachelor villainy. The pairing is obvious. It would never happen because we are living under the thumb of a cruel god who denies us good things in life. But wait, Chad is on ET's Facebook Live and he's serving more than looks. He's serving hope. "Yeah [I'm interested in Corinne]," Johnson said, singlehandedly making me interested in Bachelor in Paradise. "I mean, I don't know what she's like in person, but…we've texted a little bit." They've texted. There's a nonzero chance that one or both of them sent a shirtless mirror selfie within the first five messages. We're not saying this as a judgment, we're saying this as: Do your thing, y'all. You are national treasures and we love you as long as we don't have to get married to you. Also, Chad, please do not strike us. Johnson adds that they discussed villainy. "I knew that because she was the villain, nobody was really going to be talking to her. She was probably going through this all alone, and you think no matter how hard-headed you are…I knew people were probably just tearing her down, so I just wanted to let her know, like, 'Try not to look at it, let it pass. It will slow down,'" he said. Someone call Mark Wahlberg, 'cause this is a perfect storm.

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