Scream Queens Season 2 Premiere Recap: Did We Already Lose A Chanel?

Photo: Michael Becker / FOX.
The Chanels are back, and they're pinker, meaner, and sassier than ever. We missed you evil chicks! It's nice to see these ladies haven't lost their devilish charm, regardless of their extensive time in an insane asylum. Season 2 of Scream Queens is here, and loyal followers of the show were definitely not disappointed in the premiere.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!
In episode 1, "Scream Again," we start out in a somewhat familiar place: a rowdy party. In season 1, it was a sorority party at the Kappa house. Now, it's a turnt Halloween party at a hospital named Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering (not foreshadowing at all) on October 31, 1985. A frantic pregnant woman pulls a doctor and nurse from the party and begs them to check on her husband — a patient who needs medical assistance. These two are in no way professional (the nurse is munching on Cheetos at the sick man's bedside, and the doctor is stealing Quaaludes), but they reluctantly agree to operate on the man, stat. Instead of helping him, they just toss him into a toxic green swamp behind the facilities. The doctor rips off his green monster costume and throws it in to cover up the man's body, and the two head back to the party. Needless to say, that man's corpse — or his pregnant wife's child — is probably going to be our killer. Just a guess! Now, back to 2016. The hospital is under new ownership, the swamp is still eerie, and we finally see our Chanels, who are still trying to work their shit out. They were exonerated after being the center of a Netflix documentary (Making a Murderer-style) but have scarlet A's on their chests now. Or in the words of Chanel Oberlin, a.k.a. Chanel No. 1 (Emma Roberts): "We were innocent of the crime, but guilty of being awful." One thing leads to another and the girls end up working under their former dean, Cathy Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis), who is still on her path to world domination. How did she come to be in charge of a hospital (the same spooky one from the opening scene)? Simple: She has been regifted the Honorary Doctorate Degree that was stripped from Bill Cosby by the University of Pennsylvania. The newly minted Dr. Munsch employs two main hot doctors in this hospital: Dr. Brock Holt (John Stamos) and Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner), who is attracted to Chanel No. 3's (Billie Lourd) cold demeanor. Cascade is young, hot, and kinda dumb. Holt is obsessed with the fact that he attended Harvard, and seems to have an issue with his right hand after losing it in a tragic and disgusting garbage disposal accident. The Chanels work at the hospital at the bizarre request of Zayday Williams (Keke Palmer), who actually wants to become a doctor and empower other women to attend medical school, too. Seems like we have a lot to look forward too within the walls of Dr. Munsch's C.U.R.E. Institute Hospital. This episode alone includes a murder, a shredded hand, a werewolf girl (Cecily Strong), an almost-lobotomy, and a decapitation. But what really slayed? Nurse Hoffel (Kirstie Alley) as the Chanels' new archnemesis, taking the place of Grace Gardner (Skyler Samuels) from season 1. It's worth noting that amazing outfits and hot doctors aside, what makes this series so awesome is the provocative and niche dialogue between the characters. Few series dare to give so many of their characters such a sharp tongue, especially at the risk of making them all sound like incompetent idiots. But the Chanels, Dr. Munsch, and the rest of the new cast all pull off a specific type of nasty that makes Regina George look like a saint. Highlights Include:
"I'm basically female viagra." — Dr. Cascade, on his appearance. "Your face is what they call a 'channel changer.'" — Chanel No. 1, on Chanel no. 5's nonexistent career as a television doctor. “We decided to be communications majors because it's the easiest.” — Chanel No. 1, on the Chanels' choice of college major. “We’re doctors now, that means nurses are like our servants." — Chanel No. 1, on her new job (which is basically an unpaid internship) at the hospital. "You mess with me and I will eat you for lunch." — Nurse Hoffel, on her hatred of the Chanels. See you next week, idiot hookers.
Image: Via Giphy.

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