Once upon a time — back in season one — we met Paige (Lindsey Shaw), a competitive girl who liked to stalk Emily (Shay Mitchell) and get pissed off with what she saw. A couple seasons later we met the Pretty Little Liars version of a filler episode: a pointless hour that shared just enough to make us pissed we wouldn't learn anything real until the next week. This week we unfortunately welcomed both of these things back.
Yes, season seven was on a roll, but tonight's episode was the dreaded filler episode. We got new questions alright, but no answers, and no plot progression. Well, except in the Nicole (Rebecca Breeds) storyline, but does anyone care about the Nicole storyline? Absolutely not. All of the people who hated high school most decided to go back — Ali (Sasha Pieterse) to her teaching job and Emily and Paige to the principal's office to interview for a coaching position. Nicole is maybe back. I guess next week we'll find out if she's alive or not, but I don't think anyone watching the show cares. Mrs. Grunwald (Meg Foster) came back, but progressed the plot 0%. Noel (Brant Dougherty) lurked here and there, and the girls basically just asked a lot of questions over and over again.
The only real thing that happened is Hanna (Ashley Benson) lost it. She's currently hiding somewhere, off the grid, and making a video with her goodbyes in case she dies. FYI: The only person she cared enough to say a pseudo-goodbye to in person was Caleb (Tyler Blackburn), so all of her friends and her mom should just give up now. Although we know next week they will all band together to try and save her. There's only two weeks left to the "fatal mid-season finale," which has to mean a change of pace next week, right?
Here are the top 29 questions we had other than "when is the plot going to start" this week:
1. Was there any truth to that dream sequence?
2. Is Noel the one that pushed that sorority girl down the stairs at that frat party eight years ago? I'm guessing no, it felt really like an Ian (Ryan Merriman) maneuver.
3. Does Nicole have anything to do with anything?
4. How could they possibly tie Nicole back into the whole plot? She was only in like, three episodes, and has been in another country.
5. Can we go back to the crazy storyline of how Ali is a teacher? Five years ago she hadn't even finished junior year of high school, and had no social skills.
6. Why would any of the people that got tortured through high school want to get a job AT their high school? Ali, Emily, Paige.
7. Was everyone wearing black hoodies in Ali's classroom a real prank or an anxiety-induced delusion?
8. Why did Emily say "No, but I can imagine" about losing a loved one and then realizing that she possibly came back to life? She has actually been through that — twice.
9. Did everyone just forget about how this happened to Emily with both Ali AND Maya (Bianca Lawson)?
10. When is Maya returning? After this dull episode, I'm pretty sure we deserve the excitement of a beloved character coming back.
11. Why is Mrs. Grunwald even a character? The supernatural isn't included anywhere else in the show, except when Gypsy played a tarot card reader in season one.
12. Why is Mrs. Grunwald worried about Hanna's relationship with Caleb?
13. Do these students know about their teacher's not-so-distant past? We would have definitely gossiped about that at my high school.
14. Oh, they do know. What are the parent teacher conferences like if the parents know?
15. Why has Hanna not gone to see a therapist after being kidnapped again and attacked again?
16. Ali's students really came to class all dressed up in black coats as "A?" I'm pretty sure those horrible kids need a taste of "A" after all. Dressing up as someone's torturer is just mean.
17. Hanna expects people to just have read her mind? "We were [talking] in my dream catch up" is an amazing quote and life expectation.
18. Who was Mary Drake (Andrea Parker) having sex with while in Radley?
19. Why would anyone let Paige be a swim coach? She tried to drown Emily. I will never forget, and neither should you.
20. Why is Emily drinking with Paige? Last time they were competing for the same position she almost died by Paige's hands.
21. Why would the class of 2017 and class of 2012 files be right next to each other? I'm pretty sure there were four classes in between.
22. Who is Hanna making a creepy deal with?
23. WHAT THE HELL IS HANNA DOING?
24. Why does Paige constantly stalk Emily? You are a grown-ass woman — move on.
25. How did Aria (Lucy Hale) have time to get a wedding in the three days she was engaged before Nicole returned?
26. Why isn't anyone in Hanna's life noticing that she is having a mental breakdown?
27. Why would Hanna run off by herself to a death hole if she was just told there was darkness around her and Caleb by some creepy psychic she believes in?
28. Is Spencer (Troian Bellisario) about to remember another baby grew up with her? Because if the DiLaurentis had a creepy, evil secret sibling, then the Hastings 100% do as well.
29. Why was tonight's episode 100% a filler episode after the great roll this season was on? Next week better be better.