Scream Queens Episode 10 Recap: Don't Platter Yourself

Photo: Patti Perret/FOX.
Tuesday’s Thanksgiving episode effectively reinforced the two main points of Scream Queens: 1) feathers, and 2) any one of the remaining characters could be the Red Devil killer. All we know for sure is that come dinnertime, the severed head on the platter is coming from inside the Kappa house.

First, tonight’s side dish: a glamorous trip to the Hamptons, where our favorite feathered fiend Chanel gets served the same vicious treatment she constantly dishes out to the rest of humanity from Chad Radwell’s devastatingly superficial family members. You’d think they’d love her because they all have the same personality, but instead they assume she’s trash right from the start and offer her $50,000 to leave and never come back. But there’s a twist: In an effort to make sure guest stars Alan Thicke, Julia Duffy, Chad Michael Murray and Patrick Schwarzenegger wouldn’t upstage her in this episode, Lea Michele saunters in. “I’m the real guest star,” she emotes effortlessly without saying a word. “In every episode.” So it’s confirmed: That sparkly neck brace of Hester’s ended up saving her life from Chanel’s shove down the stairs last week. The two patch things up a little too swiftly (yada yada sisterhood etc.) before escaping the evil Pictionary compound together.

“You don’t think we’d actually pardon a turkey, do you?” There’s Dean Munsch, channeling the true spirit of Thanksgiving by drinking alone in the unused kitchen of a sorority house. The stoic Chanel No. 3 shows up first to this unofficial party, having fled the scene after her own family gathering reminded her too much of a Tinder date: “fat, upsetting, and disappointing”. These two worthy adversaries accuse each other of being the Red Devil killer to little avail as more guests and residents trickle in. See, Grace and Zayday decided against their Thanksgiving trip to Oakland because they didn’t want to leave the house all alone — an even lamer excuse than, say, “airfare was too expensive” or “I had to murder someone instead”. Then Wes (a.k.a. Professor Dad) insists he has no idea where Gigi is and heads over to Kappa once Grace rolls her eyes to allow it. Later, under the radar as always, Chanel No. 5 rolls in with eight-meat stuffing and a fairy tale about her parents escaping to the Maldives.

So it’s a full house once Wes decides to accuse his own daughter of being the Red Devil killer. His recent checking of their family calendar (yeah right) put Grace at the Kappa House before she was a student — she claims she just happened to wander in on a campus visit — on the same day former chapter president Melanie Dorkus was disfigured. So Grace might have been the one who poured acid into the spray tan solution ultimately administered by Chanel. And since “Dorkus” appears to be the title of the December 8 episode, there’s a strong chance Melanie’s been Gigi’s female accomplice all along. Who else but a disfigured woman incapable of protest would agree to fester silently in that awful rubber suit? It’s all starting to make sense…

But wait! Pete, the big investigative journalist on campus who never has to explain who he is or where he’s been, decides the time is right to swoop in uninvited and announce his own Red Devil suspect: Wes, who must have known about the house’s secret tunnels from those parties he attended in the ‘90s. Irrelevant, argues Wes: He was way too drunk to have remembered any details. Okay, well how about this: Pete had caught Wes spray-painting the security camera during one of Wallace University’s hottest peep shows: the live feed of the Kappa house’s meat locker. Eh, that’s strictly dietary, explains Wes. He can’t afford his own meat on a teacher’s salary, and those skinny girls his daughter lives with never eat anything. Why shouldn’t he take advantage? Sure, fair enough. But then Pete hits even harder with some DNA results (that he easily could have fudged for dramatic effect). And it turns out…

Wes is dead Red Devil killer Boone’s father! Yep, he was a man-slut, so sue him. It was the ’90s. Nobody wore condoms. Grace seems horrified by the news of brother Boone at first, but then don’t all of her “emotions” look relatively the same? Isn’t she always just chilling in some corner either seething or totally fine? If you covered her face with a rubber mask, wouldn’t she look EXACTLY like the Red Devil? Wouldn’t anyone?! It’s nuts!

Chanel and Hester return from across Long Island or across the country (either way, it’s negligible) just in time for dinner — but the main course is something far more insidious than an overcooked pardoned turkey or a puny room service quail. It’s Gigi’s head on a platter. So the silent assassin, the one Gigi considered as close as family just hours earlier, has either killed her or led her to the killer. And chances are that killer is in the room. Everyone screams, then I assume Wes licks his lips, wondering if his unofficial fiancée’s head can count as Paleo.

Next week’s episode appears to be a Black Friday situation with the gang locked in a mall overnight, Mannequin-style. (Or Saved by the Bell-style, if you’re ‘90s-obsessed Gigi, but you’re NOT because she’s DEAD.) Plus: Zayday plots to kill Dean Munsch, and Grace goes at least a few seconds without wearing a hat she thinks makes her look French. Might she be French? Any predictions on how this dizzying spell of nothingness will end?

More from TV