In a parallel universe, even murderous lions, scheming sea monsters, and total douchebags named Gaston have the right to a legal defense. That parallel universe is, not surprisingly, Reddit, where legal eagles gathered to devise defense strategies for Disney's baddest of the bad. Court is in session!
The Little Mermaid's Ursula, for instance, was totally within her rights to torment Ariel thanks to basic contract law. The mermaid's age, however, may cause a wrinkle in that defense. Behold, this argument from one Reddit user:
"Ursula made a contract with Ariel that had no clause saying that Ursula was not allowed to interfere. The contract stated that she had to get Eric to fall in love with her without her voice, she failed, and she has to pay the price for her failure. It's not Ursula's fault Ariel doesn't put things by a lawyer before she signs them... [This is an] argument that, as many of you have pointed out, wouldn't stand up in an actual court due to Ariel being underage and not being able to make her own decisions, which is what King Triton was saying the entire movie."
Simba's nefarious uncle Scar, meanwhile, is subject to only circumstantial evidence. If you have some time, use it to pore over the hilarious case of Scar and his trio of hyenas, including this Johnnie Cochran-worthy defense:
"What crime are we talking about here? Mufasa was killed by a stampeding herd of wildebeest. It was a tragedy, and our leader Scar mourned his brother's death before putting his personal pain aside to lead a nation that needed him.
"And now his nephew, who mysteriously ran off after his father's death, shows up and accuses him of foul play years later? A kid who has spent his life up until this point shirking all responsibility, living with a couple of deviants, and doing God knows what. This runaway, who has never held down a job mind you, suddenly can't get his fix so he comes home and starts making demands. When his loving uncle, Scar, refuses to just hand over everything and suggests that Simba enter a rehabilitation program all of a sudden he starts throwing around wild accusations."
Too, too good. Can Dick Wolf please establish some sort of Law & Order: Special Disney Unit spinoff? (E! Online)
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