Amy Schumer “Defends” Bill Cosby In The Court Of Public Opinion

Stewart Cook/REX USA
At this point, more than 40 women have come forward with stories about how they were sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby — and, despite compelling evidence, the comedian’s camp continues to deny, deny deny. Sadly, it seems as though these victims may never get to confront their alleged assailant in court, let alone receive some measure of justice. Amy Schumer isn’t letting him off the hook, though. Last night, she took Cosby to the “court of public opinion” on her show, and — acting as his attorney — won her case by handing out pudding pops to the jury, and doing a fair amount of wiggling in a tight skirt. But, make no mistake: This was no defense of Bill Cosby’s behavior. All jokes aside, what Schumer was really trying to do is call out anyone who continues to support the fallen comedian, whether by staying mum on the subject, or by being unwilling to separate the alleged rapist from him career accomplishments.  “Let’s break this down logically,” Schumer compels the jury. “I am a good person. I like this good show. Last time I checked, good plus good did not equal guilty.” The prosecution tries to object throughout the bogus defense monologue — but, of course, Schumer already has the jury and the judge snowed after appealing to their sense of nostalgia surrounding the Huxtable years. "Ladies and gentlemen, at this point, Bill Cosby probably can't even get into any trouble. That's not what this is about. This is about us not punishing ourselves for loving great comedy," she goes on. "Let's remind ourselves what's at stake here: If convicted, the next time you put on an episode of The Bill Cosby Show, you might wince a little."  In conclusion, Schumer-the-lawyer says that no one deserves to wince when they watch old reruns of a beloved show. "We deserve to dance like no one's watching. And watch like no one's raping." And so, Bill Cosby joins an elite group of men — Woody Allen and Roman Polanski among them — who get let off in the court of public opinion, because we'd rather feel good about the entertainment we enjoy than hold anyone accountable for the ugliness they've contributed to the world. 

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