Style Obituary: Billabong, For Anyone Who Fell In Love With A Surfer In Cornwall

Hey Diary,

Today was a fucking mad one!! We met these proper cute surfer boys down the beach and we all looked so cool cuz we were wearing matching toe rings and baggy Billabong shorts. Megan borrowed mine cuz her mum’s tight and won’t buy her any brands. They were my faves — three different shades of blue and SO baggy. I was wearing my earthy coloured ones that go down to my knees because we were so hungover from all the Reefs we downed last night that I didn’t have time to shave my thighs.

That doesn’t matter anyway because Tony — my beautiful blonde guy with the dreadlocks who grew up in Kent <3 Tony <3 — said he likes girls who are proper earthy. Score!! We went swimming and it was so cold cuz I was only wearing my tiny brown Billabong bikini top and shorts. Tiff said that it made me look proper cool which was well nice of her cuz she’s usually such a bitch when guys are around but I reckon everyone’s in such a good mood cuz GCSEs are done!! Anyway, after swimming the boys asked us if we wanna go down Whiskers tonight and we said yes!!! Hannah freaking cuz she can’t find her ID, and she thinks she left it in her beige Billabong baggy hoody which she lost at Belushi’s last night which is a shame cuz she looked so cool in that hoody. Anyway we’re gonna sneak her in!! G2g!! Think I’m gonna kiss him!!

Oh! My! God! Last night was MEGA!!! So it started with drama — classic Hannah couldn’t get in so we all gave her a quid to get the bus back to the hostel and she was fuming and calling us all proper cows. Anyway my ID WORKED!! Tony was waiting for me inside and he looked SO cute in his Billabong waves bucket hat and those proper nice beige Billabong canvas flip-flops. Deffo asking for them for my bday <3. I was wearing my orange Billabong sarong and it looked SO nice over my baggy shorts, like really different. Anyway we get in and he’d already got me a Caribbean Twist Tropical cuz I told him that was my fave. We got dancing and all the girls paired up. Larrikin Love were playing and all the girls were screaming cuz those guys are like our absolute FAVES!!! <3 The Spark <3 Tony asked me if I’d ever kissed before and obvi I lied and told him yeah even though I’d only kissed the other girls when we practised at Tiff’s 16th sleepover. And then yeah. He leaned in and kissed me. It was madness!! And his Billabong hat kept poking me in the eye but I didn’t say anything cuz he was being so sweet. I was touching his dreads which smelt like wax and salt. God I’m going mad! I can’t STOP thinking about him!!! And we were SO drunk — Tiff got fingered by her guy! Maybe me and Tony will tonight <3 God I’m crazy!! It feels like love. Gave him my Billabong thread bracelet so he can think of me when he wears it tonight <3

Rach fell down two flights of stairs at the beach bar today. Was so funny — she said she wasn’t drunk even though we had just shared a pitcher of Cheeky Vimto for lunch. Tony didn’t surf today, which was weird cuz we said we’d meet on the beach, but whatever — we’re gonna go Whiskers tonight and try to find them. Hannah found her Billabong hoody thank God which she’d left at the surf rental place. Off out! Gonna wear my blue Billabong swim cozzie and my blue shorts now Megan’s given them back. <3 Tony!! <3

It’s so late like 2am we have just got back from Whiskers and I can’t believe it Tony was there with another girl and he’d given her my Billabong bracelet I’m so upset I can’t believe it like as if he’d do that to me I thought our kiss meant something anyway Hannah is such a good friend she marched over and took my bracelet back and Tony came over and told me he was so sorry and that he wasnt expecting to see me and said maybe we should have a three way kiss and I was like no way then I called my mum crying and asked if she’d come and pick me up so now im back at the hostel packing everything into my billabong beach bag never coming Newquay again

Am still so upset. Got a call from the girls telling me they miss me, but even though I’m glad I came home I am missing them tbh. Fucked off with Tony and whatever like he’s tried to text and call and I’ve just ignored. Mum told me that this stuff happens and to forget about it. But she doesn’t get it like what does she know she’s only ever shagged dad once to make me. Gross. Cosmo says I’ve gotta ignore for a few days then text back like well casual like I’m not arsed. Gonna catch up on The Hills and go sleep. Night xx

Girls got back and we went pub and were pissing about Newquay. What a mad five days mate! Decided the surfer thing isn’t for us tbh and we are all saving up to go Ibiza next year. Got rid of most of my Billabong stuff as it feels dead immature now and stuff. Going on shopping spree to Topshop at Trafford Centre on Sat with the girls. SO excited gonna get a Pizza Hut for lunch. Tony text me and he’s coming to visit next week!!! So excited!

Mum got me the fucking canvas Billabong flip-flops for my birthday and they are minging. Tony and me broke up. Dunno. When he came up he just seemed like a bit of a dead end loser. Gave him two Billabong hoodies to remember me by though. Hope he’s happy. xxxx