Warning: This recap contains major spoilers for season 6, episode 12 of Schitt’s Creek.
Schitt’s Creek continues to be one of the sole bright spots in this time of darkness, but we’ve now reached the point in the global COVID-19 pandemic where I’m even thinking about the virus during my fave escapism TV. For example, when episode 12 of the sixth and final season of Schitt’s Creek opens, Johnny is anxious about getting to New York in time for Rosebud Motel Group’s big meeting with potential investors. Stevie (looking great in a suit) says, “Mr. Rose you’re stressing me out, and I just chugged a bottle of CBD oil." I thought, of course she’s chugging CBD oil — to deal with the impending end of the world!
Then, while Moira, Alexis, Patrick, and David are on hand to wish them luck before the big pitch, David mentions that he and Patrick have to get back to their store. My first thought was but non-essential businesses are closed! That should tell you everything about how I’m holding up. I can’t get the global impact of the coronavirus out of my head, but for the next half hour of the Rose family’s shenanigans, I will do my best.
As Team Rosebud (Johnny, Stevie, and Roland) leaves on a jet plane that the company sent them, Moira yells, “we’re on relying on — no, we’re cheering you on!” It’s just one of many indications we've seen all season that Moira is desperate for the trio to land a big investor so she can get the eff out of Schitt’s Creek. Back inside the motel, she immediately starts packing for her new life in the big city. When Alexis catches on that her parents may be moving to New York, she remembers that the Interflix offices are there (you'll recall they loved her fake/real Crows movie stunt) and she might have a job opportunity with them. Moira and Alexis are already planning their new life in NYC, but as Moira says, “let’s not count our poultry before it’s incubated!”
Alexis does the exact opposite and starts looking for apartments in New York. David walks in and she tells him she’s looking for two bedrooms so he and Patrick can come with. “This is a lot of information to process on a Tuesday morning!” David says, echoing me every morning since this pandemic started. He gets really excited and, since his priorities are always in order, he starts talking about seeing Kerry Washington in “an all-female revival of 12 Angry Men” with Elle Fanning as the foreman. (I checked and unfortunately, this revival does not really exist.) “There is no way you are getting tickets to that show, but I love your enthusiasm,” Alexis says. Taking a pause here to shout out everyone in the New York theatre industry whose jobs are on hold or in jeopardy because of the pandemic.
You know who doesn’t love David’s enthusiasm? Patrick. At the store, David excitedly tells his fiancé about his plan to uproot their life and move it to a brand-new city and, as you can imagine, Patrick is not impressed. Instead of yelling at David for making selfish decisions about their life without him, he says “It’s throwing me for a bit of a loop.” Patrick is, as always, too pure and good for this world. He’s also pissed — understandably.
At the town hall, Moira walks into a farewell party and naturally assumes it is for her and her “impending move to the big red delicious.” The cake says, “Goodbye Grace,” but she cuts it anyway because she says she thought they were “singling out one of my notable attributes.” Watching Moira scramble to save the cake and then try to pretend she knows who Grace is (who has been in the room the whole time) is why Catherine O’Hara is a national treasure.
While everyone is banking on Team Rosebud, things aren’t going well in New York. First, they find out that Johnny’s old assistant, Mike, the big shot who set up the meeting, can’t make it because he’s out of town. In the boardroom, they meet with a few douchebag execs (named Bryce and Tripp, of course) who instantly take the chance to make fun of Johnny and his failed business. “I hope the jet [they sent] was Johnny Rose-approved,” Tripp (played by former MuchMoreMusic VJ Matt Wells in case you forgot this was a Canadian production) says before landing his cruel punchline: “Although I guess, at this point, coach would be Johnny Rose-approved." Nice joke, bro. Bryce and Tripp will now be known as D-Bag 1 and D-Bag 2. Stevie awkwardly stumbles through her bit of the presentation while D-Bag 1 basically heckles her. By the time Roland knocks over a pitcher of water, it’s clear they’re blowing it.
The trio regroups outside of the boardroom on a fancy bench that looks like it was ripped from the set of Suits — and it probably was since both shows are shot in and around Toronto — as Johnny gives an uplifting pep talk about their business idea. (To recap, they plan to take rundown motels and rejuvenate them into boutique glimpses into small-town life.) When Johnny gets back in the room, he immediately starts making D-Bag 1 and D-Bag 2 laugh and nails his speech about the Rosebud Motel — how they've turned it around and how his family has been living there for the past three years. “I wouldn’t trade our stay there for anything” he says in a charming, sentimental way only Eugene Levy can deliver.
Certain that they’ve sold them on the idea, Stevie, Roland, and Johnny celebrate when they leave the boardroom until Roland has to pop back in because he forgot his briefcase. He overhears D-Bag 1 and D-Bag 2 trashing Johnny’s idea. Roland then lays into the room for making fun of a man who put aside his pride to pitch them in the first place. “Shame on all of you,” Roland says sternly. He’s basically saying, "hey, I’m the only one who gets to make fun of Johnny Rose," and it’s actually really sweet.
The suspense is killing Moira so she makes David and Alexis join in on a group prayer to “whom it may concern” (read: Beyoncé, the only higher power I recognize). The sight of the three of them on their knees holding hands in the air is almost enough to make me forget that they are not at all practising social-distancing.
Back in New York, Mike’s assistant tells Team Rosebud that the investment group is passing on their idea but that she is starting her own smaller firm and she’d love to work with them. When they return home to Schitt’s Creek and deliver the good news to their loved ones, the whole cast breaks into the most joyful outburst as they hug, laugh, and Moira attempts to pronounce “champagne.” I cried tears of joy. Thank Beyoncé we have this show.
Other Things We Gave A Schitt About This Episode
Who Was The Schitt?
I never thought I’d see the day, but Roland Schitt himself takes the crown this episode for coming through in the clutch with a beautiful showing of affection for his friend Johnny. The sincerity of that Roland monologue in NYC showed off Chris Elliott’s range. My fave line was when Roland says to Johnny, “Those people up there don’t deserve to be in business with you.” Put that on a T-shirt.
Best Pre-Schitt Name Drop
Alexis wins with maybe the best name-drop of the whole season: “Usually when someone sends a jet for you it means he is very interested. Trust me… and Tiger Woods.”
A Moment for Moira’s Wigs
Aside from a shot of Moira’s wig wall behind Alexis early on in the episode, we don’t get any bebes this week. We do get Moira wearing a big black bow headband though, so it’s a wash.
— I’m worried about Patrick and David. At the end of the episode, they exchanged a look — not a good look. Patrick definitely does not want to leave Schitt’s Creek. David definitely does. Maybe we won’t get that perfect wedding I’ve been yelling about every week. (I mean, we probably will, but the tension is a nice touch.)
— Does Johnny really want to move to New York? His speech about loving living in a motel with his family sure didn’t sound like it. Are Moira and Johnny going to be in the same boat as Patrick and David? And what will Moira and David do if their men just want to live the simple life?
— My biggest beef with this season has been Stevie’s arc. They made a big deal about her wanting more than working at the motel with Johnny...just to keep her working at the motel with Johnny. But in this episode, Stevie gives a great presentation and proves she is the invaluable COO of the Rosebud Motel Group. “You’re like a businesswoman now,” David says. “Damn right I am,” Stevie says proudly. You know what that’s called? Growth.