I don’t want to talk about #KawhiWatch. This city — the entire country — needs to calm down and let the man make his decision in peace. Tracking him down at Home Depot, hanging out outside of hotels he may or not be taking meetings in, and generally being as thirsty as Drake crushing on Rihanna is not going to encourage Kawhi Leonard, noted introvert who just wants to put his head down and play basketball, to continue to be a Toronto Raptor. Find your chill, Canada. I’m serious. Our future championships depend on it.
Since I’ve decided to exclude myself from the #KawhiWatch narrative, I’m going to entertain myself with some good ol’ binge-watching, and hopefully, by the time I come up for air, Kawhi will have made his decision and the city will have its sanity back. In the meantime, here are my picks for what to watch on Netflix Canada this weekend.
I’m a whole season behind on Stranger Things so I’m afraid to Google anything about season 3 because spoilers. It’s back and it’s supposedly a great season. The monster is still monstering, Eleven is still Eleven-ing. That’s all you need to know. Instead of Googling Stranger Things, I’ve been in a hole trying to figure out how Millie Bobby Brown became friends with the Jolie-Pitt kids. Specifically, she hangs with Shiloh and Zahara, my two favourite Jolie-Pitt children. No disrespect to Maddox, Pax, Vivienne, and Knox. I did not have to Google to remember all of their names. I shouldn’t be as proud of that as I am. I just really want to know what sleepovers at the Jolie house are like! Is Angelina Jolie a regular mom or a cool mom!?
The Daily Beast called this show “Netflix’s Stunning Answer To The Crown.” The six-part series, which is “80% drama, 20% documentary” tracks the fall of the famous Russian Romanovs — yes, like from Anastasia. The show weaves real-life interviews with scripted dramatized scenes with actors and is unlike anything else on the streaming service. The story focuses on Czar Nicholas II and his wife, Czarina Alexandra, and the downfall of their family and the Russian Empire. I’m not sure I can get down with a story of the Romanovs that doesn’t include the timeless bangers, “Once Upon a December” and “Journey to the Past”, or an animated John Cusack that was 100% better looking that real-life John Cusack, but this series sounds promising enough that I’ll try.
We’re in Season 2 of Instant Hotel and I don’t understand why we haven’t heard more about it. The premise is genius: “Teams of Australian homeowners compete for the title of best Instant Hotel by staying overnight in each other's rentals and rating their experience.” That’s the official Netflix description. The reality show is basically Airbnb porn for Australia, showcasing four upscale properties, including a cave and a rainforest. This season, the winners walk away with $100,000 so you know it’s going to get intense. I’m in.
This movie looks terrible. But it looks like one of those bad movies you scroll past on Netflix and think “wow this looks terrible,”but you watch it anyway. The main reason to still watch this really awful-looking movie is Noah Centineo. In fact, the only reason Netflix probably bought this film years after it was made is because their algorithms know we can’t stay away from a Noah Centineo rom-com. Based on how many times I’ve seen To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, my Netflix algorithm should just auto-play Noah Centineo movies. I don’t even know what Swiped is about. Does it matter? I think there’s an app involved, just like The Perfect Date, the other bad Noah Centineo movie we all still watched.
To cleanse your palate after you hate-watch Swiped, try Support The Girls, starring Regina Hall and Haley Lu Richardson. The movie is sitting at 91% on Rotten Tomatoes and was hailed as one of the best films of 2018. It didn’t quite make it to the Oscars but it was on the list of films that critics felt the Academy snubbed. Directed by Andrew Bujalski, Support The Girls is an indie-comedy about a general manager (Hall) of a sports bar at the side of a highway and her quirky costumers and employees. I’ll watch Regina Hall in anything so this little movie with big praise is definitely part of my weekend pop-culture homework.