For years, I internalized that I was “bad” and “difficult,” verbal jabs directed at me my entire life, and that my sister was “good” and “uncomplicated.” Anytime I found myself in any kind of trouble, I was given lectures that included lines like, “I never have to tell your sister twice” or “why can’t you be more like your sister?” Intentional or not, this caused a rift between my sister and me. Anytime she received positive attention, I’d grow angry and jealous
and wanted to act out. But it wasn't my sister’s fault. The real culprit was the rubric Latinx families use to measure what’s good and what’s bad. She was younger, thin, and fair-skinned, while I was older, heavier, darker (though still light-skinned), and had curly hair
no comb could tame. Moreover, I always questioned ideas I was supposed to accept and voiced when something was unfair; on the other hand, she did what she was told. While my existence presented a problem, her's provided the solution.