The "Slightly Browning Fake Plants" We Never Knew We Needed

Keeping house plants alive — even those rubbery, virtually un-killable ones — is no easy task. Plant ownership is a commitment that requires regular watering, plenty of sunlight, and based on some schools of thought, even talking to our viridescent friends. Which is where fake plants come in. You can’t kill them because they aren’t alive to begin with. But have you ever noticed that like so many other synthetic things in the world, they’re just a little too perfect? Those supple green leaves, those sturdy, unbroken stems. They’re a dead giveaway! Because anyone who knows us knows we could never maintain plants that look like that. Which is why we’re immediately donating to this Kickstarter touting “Slightly Browning Fake Plants.”
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The team behind the Kickstarter, which was launched just yesterday, promises that if they meet their $10,000 goal (so far they’re at $895), they’ll produce and sell “the most convincing fake plants on the market.” Namely, browning, drooping, convincingly imperfect ones. You know, like the ones you probably have at home.
“Everyone loves plants but no one knows how to take care of them,” co-founders Brian and Kurt write on the Kickstarter page. “No one can take care of them. You’d get a fake plant, but something’s off. Does it look a little too... good? No asymmetric patterns, no broken stems, not a single brown leaf—the telltale signs of a common fake plant.”
The plants themselves range from the “Two Week Vacation” model, which boasts “both slight browning and substantial wilting” and is currently available for pre-order for $45, to the significantly more battered “Three Week Vacation,” the “First Apartment,” and the “Suck-ulent,” all of which are apparently still in development. There are also plants named for various highly-involved professions, including “The Banker,” “The Freelancer,” and “The Coder.”
Donors to the Kickstarter can opt to receive pins, totes, and sweatshirts that read “slightly browning fake plants,” or a hat that simply says “plant killer.” Talk about a statement accessory. And though the co-founders acknowledge the humorous nature of the product, they are quick to assure that they’re very serious about it. What’s more, they view these hyper-realistic fake plants as something of a metaphor.
"We aspire to bring you the highest-quality replicas of acceptable-quality plants," the Kickstarter pitch explains. "Because everyone's a little hurt. Everyone's a little bent. Everyone is Slightly Browning. And everyone deserves slightly better."

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