After 23-year-old Delaney Farrell died from a heroin overdose on July 1, her mom found a poem Farrell had written in a journal.
The poem detailed her daughter's struggle with heroin addiction, saying that she had "no good dope days."
The poem reads:
"Funny, I don’t remember no good dope days. I remember walking for miles in a dope fiend haze. I remember sleeping in houses that had no electric. I remember being called a junkie, but I couldn’t accept it. I remember hanging out in abandos that were empty and dark. I remember shooting up in the bathroom and falling out at the park. I remember nodding out in front of my sisters kid. I remember not remembering half of the things that I did. I remember the dope man’s time frame, just ten more minutes. I remember those days being so sick that I just wanted to end it. I remember the birthdays and holiday celebrations. All the things I missed during my incarceration. I remember overdosing on my bedroom floor. I remember my sisters cry and my dad having to break down the door. I remember the look on his face when I opened my eyes, thinking today was the day that his baby had died. I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave. I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe. I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it. and I know to this day that she probably don’t even know it. I remember feeling like I lost all hope. I remember giving up my body for the next bag of dope. I remember only causing pain, destruction and harm. I remember the track marks the needles left on my arm. I remember watching the slow break up of my home. I remember thinking my family would be better off if I just left them alone. I remember looking in the mirror at my sickly completion. I remember not recognizing myself in my own Damn reflection. I remember constantly obsessing over my next score but what I remember most is getting down on my knees and asking God to save me cuz I don’t want to do this no more !!!"
“She knew what her monster was,” Brian Farrell said in a Facebook video. “She knew she was battling it.”
The video has been viewed more than 115,000 times as of writing, and many commenters are thanking the family for sharing Farrell's story and for highlighting how difficult addiction is both for the addict and their loved ones.
Farrell's story isn't unique, but commenters who watched the video hope that her parents' openness about trying to help their daughter and Farrell's honest poem about her addiction might save someone from a similar fate.
If you are struggling with substance abuse, please call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for free and confidential information.
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