Warning: This recap contains major spoilers for season 6, episode 13 of Schitt’s Creek.
About three minutes into this week’s episode of Schitt’s Creek, Johnny Rose puts his arm around his wife Moira and says, “Big things are coming your way, sweetheart. Don’t you worry.” That statement was comforting enough, then Moira replies: “I don’t. Worry is but undernourished enthusiasm,” and it was all too much for my eyeballs, so they started leaking.
Schitt’s Creek is one of those special, heartening shows that everyone is recommending right now to lift your spirits in the middle of this global pandemic. After next week’s series finale, it’ll all be over. That’s why my eyes reacted the way they did to Moira and Johnny’s interaction (which takes place after Moira learns that the reboot of soap opera Sunrise Bay is going forward without her).
The Roses are one of my favourite families on television and watching them every week has brought me so much consistency and joy in times of uncertainty and sadness — and the show’s penultimate episode was a tear-jerker. Every scene was a bittersweet reminder that our lovable gang is leaving us, but not all of them are leaving Schitt’s Creek.
Last week, I was worried about David and Patrick. It was clear that Patrick doesn't want to move to New York, but David's set on it. After a sweet scene with the core four Roses expressing their excitement to relocate to the Big Apple, Stevie lets it slip to David that Patrick was planning to buy him a house he’s been admiring in town, a house that wasn't even up for sale until Patrick asked the owners, who just happen to be moving to Florida. So why has he been keeping it a secret? Turns out, Patrick was waiting until after the wedding to tell David because, “I know how flustered you can get when there’s more than one thing on your plate.” Staying predictably on brand, David quips, “unless it’s food.”
Also acting very on brand, David brushes off Patrick’s question about him hating New York (remember every story we’ve heard David tell about NYC includes him getting hurt by shitty, superficial people) and Patrick relents. “It’s going to be a tough goodbye,” Patrick says. ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE US WEEP INTO OUR KEYBOARDS?
Back at the motel, Johnny is still trying to make Moira feel better about the Sunrise Bay execs turning her down when — surprise! — a package arrives for her. It’s from Tippy Bernstein, the executive producer of Sunrise Bay. There’s a note that reads, “Dear Moira, you win. Welcome back to the Bay.” And inside the package is the tennis bracelet she asked for during her negotiations with Tippy. Moments later she gets the official call that the reboot is a go and they want her instead of Clifton Sparks. Johnny is so excited for Moira. Alexis comes in and everyone is hugging and squealing, and my eyes start doing that thing again.
When Moira breaks the news to the Jazzagals (who are all shit-talking Sunrise Bay out of solidarity) that she actually got the job and has to be on set in two weeks, so this is their last rehearsal, Ronnie’s eyes also start inexplicably dripping fluid. “Oh, Veronica, I suppose you have something in your eye?” Moira asks. SAME, RONNIE. (I’m going to miss her the most.) When the group goes in for a group hug, Moira objects. “Let’s not turn this into a Hallmark movie of the week — I’ve done enough of those for a lifetime,” she says before she lets the gang bring it in for an embrace.
This episode is killing me.
So, where does all of this leave Alexis? She shows up to the diner with bags of clothes for Twyla because she’s downsizing to fit into the small New York apartment she thinks she’ll be sharing with David. We’ve seen Alexis and Twyla chat in this position many times. Alexis is usually drinking a smoothie and Twyla is usually revealing something insane about her childhood. This time, Twyla drops the bomb that she won the lottery right before the Roses came to town. “What was I going to say? I just won $92 million?”
Record scratch. Alexis in this moment is all of us. All I know is Twyla is RICH, but she likes being a waitress in a small town, so she rarely spends her winnings. Alexis tells Twyla to spend some money on something nice for herself and later, Twyla shows up to the motel to tell her friend that she bought the café. Casually. She also tries to give Alexis a bunch of money to start her new life in NYC, but our baby girl is all grown up. “I think that if I’m going to do this on my own, I need to do this on my own,” Alexis says. It’s really sweet and shows how far Alexis has come but homegirl should have taken the money!
We had a tiny reprieve from the gut-wrenching scenes until we find David and Stevie sitting on the hood of a car staring at the house Patrick almost bought. David is in tears. “I was just thinking about how Patrick must have driven out here and knocked on that door and asked those people to call him if they ever planned on selling… just because I said it was nice.” Crying, he says, “Who does that?” Stevie quips: “Good people do things like that — hence the reason why we don’t understand it.”
Stevie asks him again why he’s moving back to New York to shitty friends and he finally tells the truth: “Because I want those people to know that I’m not a joke, and that I’ve won.” WHEW. We just cracked David Rose’s biggest insecurity wide open. And now that he’s said it out loud, he can start to heal. (But only after he makes fun of Stevie for smelling bad because he is still David.)
Back at the motel, Johnny and Moira tell Alexis and David that they are relocating to California for Moira’s show. David announces that Patrick found a house for them in Schitt’s Creek and that they are going to stay. “I just don’t think I’m finished with this place,” he says. Alexis decides that she is going to be an independent woman and go to New York on her own. Then they have a really beautiful family moment that I can’t talk about right now because of my newfound eye allergies.
The final scenes is David telling Patrick that he’s decided to stay in Schitt’s Creek with him. “What about New York? I thought that’s where you wanted to be,” Patrick says. “I don’t want to be anywhere you don’t want to be,” David whispers. Patrick promises he’ll make David so happy in that house and FINE, I’m fully crying now.
You happy, Schitt’s Creek?
Other Things We Gave A Schitt About This Episode
Who Was The Schitt?
I’ve written about Alexis’s growth a lot this season. But David has also come so far, and this episode was proof of that. It was also Dan Levy’s standout performance as an actor and his best of the entire series. That scene on top of the car with Stevie is one of my all-time faves.
Best Pre-Schitt Name Drop
Let’s give Moira Rose a point for name-dropping herself. When Johnny reminds her of when she was a spokesperson for Rose Video, she says, “That photo of me sunbathing on top of a giant VHS tape was staple of Times Square for a whole season!” Now I can’t un-picture it.
A Moment for Moira’s Wigs
The sparkly tasseled tuque Moira wears this episode deserves its own Emmy.
— Can we please give Twyla a spinoff where she runs the café with her millions? Or she just travels around with her millions? The point: it’s Twyla— with MILLIONS.
— Another spinoff idea: Johnny and Moira in California as Moira stars in Sunrise Bay with Nicole Kidman. Instant classic.
— I love love that David kept referring to Patrick as “my husband” even though they aren’t married yet. Here’s my final CAN THEY GET MARRIED ALREADY!? Next week, they get married!