Choosing to include somebody in your bridal party is highly personal. But when that somebody is a sibling of the person you're about to marry, it becomes a more delicate question. More often than not, it's a foregone conclusion: There's an unspoken rule that they'll be in your entourage. In many cases, (one would hope) you're actually friends; sometimes it's out of obligation.
In a recent Reddit post, however, one bride-to-be said that this convention is causing her distress — and it sparked a lively discussion on whether or not people need to rethink this standard.
"[M]y fiancé is trying to force me to have his sister in my bridal party," she wrote, adding that she has only met his sister twice. "She's truly wonderful, but her personality type is just really antagonistic with mine and I know it would just be a bad day."
The bride said she has tried to compromise and offer for the fiancé's sister to either join his side as a groomswoman, or do a reading at the ceremony. But her fiancé insisted that she be included as a bridesmaid. "His idea of a compromise is all or nothing seemingly, and the last time we disagreed on this he was upset for days... Am I crazy to not want her in my bridal party at our wedding, and am I being too demanding? I want him to be happy at the wedding, but I know if I cave on this my day will be ruined." She said that her fiancé hadn't talked to his sister about the issue.
It's hard to tell from the post why the bride thinks the sister would ruin her day — while still considering her "wonderful." We also don't know the sister's side of the story, and how eager she would be to be included. And, it's hard to tell why the groom is unwilling to make any sort of concession. It's difficult to form an educated opinion here — but that didn't stop many Redditors from chiming in.
Some supported the bride, saying it's ultimately her decision. "I think it's weird to expect you to include someone in your bridal party that you barely know," wrote one user. "Wouldn't she also think it was weird or 'just a courtesy' if you asked her?"
Another user criticized the fiancé for being inconsiderate: "Something you said jumped out at me as not okay. It's your wedding day. It's his wedding day. It is, together, your big day. The day when you become each other's family...and his concern is making sure his sister is happy? What about making sure you're happy?"
But the majority supported including the sister. Some pointed out that she doesn't have to have a huge role in the bridal party, while others said that not making her a bridesmaid could ruin the bride's relationship with her new family.
"How? How would it ruin your entire day?" wrote one user. "All she's going to do is walk down the aisle and pose in photos."
"She is going to become your immediate family," wrote another. "It might go a long way with current and future in-law relations to include her and find a way to get along with her personality enough that it won't ruin your whole day. In my experience, [sisters-in-law] who were included for family reasons usually skip a lot of the pre-wedding festivities or come and become closer to the bride than before."
The response that says it all, in our opinion? "Where I'm from, it's just common unless you two want to murder each other. If I wasn't a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, that's the bride [giving] me a big old, 'Go fuck yourself, I want nothing to do with you and we will not be friends.'"