Spanx Made A Bra…For Your Butt

embed spanxPhoto: Courtesy of Spanx.
You know, we never really considered the possibility that we weren't wearing enough bras. We thought the one had us covered. Until, that is, we read the latest pitch e-mail from Spanx. Yes, the shapewear brand that saved us from a lifetime of sucking in is now schooling us on a whole new kind of undergarment. One that, apparently, we've been missing all our lives. Ladies and gentlemen (but, uh, mostly ladies), it's time to meet: the Booty Bra.
If you've ever thought your backside needed a little lift here, some smoothing there, then you definitely need to check this out. Or, if you wouldn't change a thing about your bum, but simply delight in absurd marketing copy, you should really read on. Officially called the Trust Your Thinstincts Booty Bra (we're kinda side-eyeing that portmanteau), this undergarment promises to provide the tummy- and hip-smoothing power of normal Spanx — while using a non-compressing fabric in back, so your butt still looks its fullest. In other words, it'll flatten your stomach, without smushing your tush.
Even more intriguingly, the brand promises that the fabric over your bum will "keep your posterior perky and separated — you won’t believe these buns are real!" Sure, we'd take a little Bündchen-style lift any day. But, separation? We're not sure we're okay with that being a thing.
The undies are available online and retail for $58: a small price to pay if it gives us the slim hips and triumphant butt of a Brazilian supermodel who does dead lifts for fun. But, seriously, we'll pass on that separation part.

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