Unfortunately for me, I’ve never been a Cool Girl. I am overly analytical, sometimes earnest, definitely neurotic, and extremely emotional. If I’m pissed, or happy, or sad, you know it. "Chill" is not a word I’d use to describe myself
. But since society has told us that men are more interested in cool, hot chicks who are into the things they’re into, are chill with casual sex, and who never freak out over an ignored text, for a long time I suppressed my natural, rigid feelings and plastered on a smile. My college boyfriend was obsessed with prog rock, so I downloaded Genesis and Rush to my iPod — even though I hated it. When I worked behind a bar in my early 20s, I started shooting Jameson to impress one of the regulars I thought was a fox, even though the taste made my stomach turn. I met a guy on OkCupid who said he was into Russian literature and jazz, so I bought a copy of Anna Karenina
and started listening to Miles Davis.