Sucking dick can be fun, but it's hard work. However, with one simple trick, you can make your life easier and increase pleasure for both you and your penis-owning partner. All you have to do is — wait for it — use your hands.
Yes, that's it. As Mal Harrison, sexologist and director of the Centre for Erotic Intelligence, explains, "Make an 'O' with your thumb and index, middle, and ring finger. Pinky stays up because, you know, you're classy! If the cock is huge, though, the whole hand works." She advises starting with the hands before placing your mouth on the penis. When you've gotten your partner so turned on that they're begging for some mouth action, add your "O" shape directly under your lips, and move your mouth and hands together in one simultaneous motion.
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"Finding the right pressure is key," Harrison says. "Be gentle and tender, and utilise all that wet spit. When you stroke back up to the top, twist your hand over the head ever so gently." Hands allow for a variety of techniques and motions, such as twists, tugs, and changes in pressure that are hard to do with just your mouth. According to Kenneth Play, sex educator, "You have the most control over pressure and friction and speed and location [when you use your hands]."
That said, Play stresses that, while he enjoys the dual motion, every penis is different, so it's not just about basic hand placement or technique — you have to communicate with your partner to make sure they're into this. The key to good communication, he says, is for the giver and receiver to get specific. Does the lucky duck getting the blowjob want hands on a different location, more tongue action, or maybe a tighter hand squeeze? Does the person giving the blowjob want their throat fucked or are they concerned about their gag reflex? Expressing what you want in bed can be daunting, but it's crucial to enjoyable sex, since your partner can't read your mind.
Oftentimes, using hands during blowjobs not only makes the experience more pleasurable for the one getting their dick sucked, but for the one doing the sucking, as well. "If you have a gag reflex, you could limit the depth [of the penis] before it hits your gag reflex," Play says. "The hand acts as a buffer." Plus, using hands makes the blowjob more consistent, as it allows the giver to come up for air without disrupting stimulation. And giving your mouth a break during oral sex allows you to try some other sexy moves, such as making direct eye contact, spitting on the penis, or teasing your partner before resuming mouth action. (Though if you need a full-on break, you should absolutely take it.)
Once you've communicated with your partner about using hands during blowjobs, and you've found a good rhythm, try experimenting with various positions and hand placements (with your partner's consent, of course). Harrison suggests asking if your partner enjoys their balls or perineum being touched, or moving the blowjob to the edge of the bed so you can also use your hands on yourself by rubbing your clit or penis. "This way, you can rub on your own pleasure spot, use both hands, and give [your partner] insanely great pleasure," she says.
The most important thing to remember? When giving a blowjob, while the primary focus tends to be on your partner's pleasure, remember that it's about both of you — and you're in control. "It's never fun to be uncomfortable whilst giving pleasure," Harrison says. "It should be mutually exciting and pleasing."
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