If you’re considering having sex for the first time, you’ve recently become sexually active, or you’re with a new partner, you might want to begin with some simple, fun sex positions and activities. Some situations, like standing sex, take a bit of practice, after all — and sex should be all about pleasure rather than stress or intimidation. So we talked to a few experts to find out which sex positions and activities they suggest for people new to sex.
“If you’re a beginner at having sex or deciding to partake for the first time, first things first, welcome!” says Penda N'diaye, creator of PRO HOE, a brand and blog that aims to eradicate sexual stigma and debunk myths surrounding sexual pleasure and exploration in communities of colour. “It only gets better as you discover which positions (and partners) are best suited for your body and sexual desire.”
When you read through these positions, remember that they’re just suggestions — feel free to modify them to figure out what feels best for you and your partner — experiment, and most of all, have fun.
Missionary, or one person on top
“With one person on their back and the other penetrating on top, small rocking motions of the hips can create a rhythm that syncs you with your partner and also allows easy exploration of which internal areas like the most attention,” says N’diaye.
“[Spooning brings] a little extra closeness,” N’diaye adds. “While both lying on your side, have your partner enter you from behind while you slightly lift your leg. It feels like two puzzle pieces in the right place. It’s a great opportunity for G-spot or prostate stimulation and can be a calming, intimate position.”
Rachael Rose, founder of sex education platform Hedonish, suggests, “Mutual masturbation is one of the most underrated, but awesome, ways to play with a partner. You get to watch your partner doing sexy things, and it can be especially useful for folks newer to sex or who are playing with a new partner because you get to see how they like to be touched."
Rose adds, "Laying side-by-side offers a more intimate experience and allows for kissing, and laying head-to-feet can offer fantastic views. Mutual masturbation also works great regardless of genital configuration, body size, and height differences, plus it's easy to incorporate toys and allows folks with physical limitations to position themselves however they're most comfortable.”
Debby Herbenick, PhD, professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health and author of The Coregasm Workout, suggests, “there’s genital rubbing/scissoring, which can be done by any gender sex partners, though it’s more often called scissoring when between women. People with penises often enjoy rubbing their penises together, people with vulvas often find it arousing if not orgasmic to rub their vulvas together, and of course penises-vaginas sometimes fit together as with intercourse, but other times partners rub one another (for example, sliding a vulva up and down a penis).”
Using a vibrator
“Vibrators can enhance pleasurable sensations along the vulva, inside the vagina, outside of the anal opening, inside the anus (assuming it’s an anal-friendly toy with a wide base), along the penile shaft, around the scrotum, and some people even like breast/nipple vibration,” says Dr. Herbenick. “For some people, vibration is sufficient. Others pair a vibrator with intercourse or finger-stimulation.”
Modifying familiar positions to find out what feels best
Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality and host of the Sirius XM radio show and podcast Sex With Emily, says, "If you don’t like a position once, then there’s always modifications. You can get pillows to prop yourself up, you can try it on the side of the bed, you can use a toy. I think we’re so limited in the way we think about positions that have to be done in one way."
She adds, "My main tip is to go easy on yourself. Great lovers are not born, they’re made. So if you’re just starting out sexually, every time is a learning opportunity. You can’t really fail if you’re present and you’re really listening to yourself and your body — and that will help you connect to your partner as well."
Forgetting positions and just exploring
“There is no single best sex position, since it depends what people like and how their genitals fit together, as well as other aspects of their bodies like body size, genital size and shape, (dis)ability, and height,” says Dr. Herbenick. “Side-by-side works great for some couples and not at all for others. The same is true for other sex positions. The only ‘best’ is what works for partners… which is why I encourage exploration.”