Here Are The Best Vibrators Ever — Happy Valentine's Day To YOU!

Sex toys have come a long way since their cold metal, leopard-printed, battery-powered clit-numbing vibrator days. The “because it’s 2019” toys are a whole new class of USB-chargeable, waterproof, soft-silicone joy, and some of them work without really touching you. Yes, they just magick your puss with their secret sex vibes! No, we didn’t know about this either!
Read on to see the important journalism we’ve been suffering through for you.
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Satisfyer Pro Penguin

Ladies, this is a penguin wearing a bow tie, and it gives a blow job to your clit. Does life get any better than this? Mr. Penguin is part of the newish class of sex toys which use air pressure waves to stimulate the deeper layers of your clitoris that are hiding out within your bod. The circular end goes around the head of your clit, and then you can choose from 11 different settings for a deep throbbing joyride that doesn’t numb you out. (You can also use it in the bath because it’s a penguin, so obviously.) Carlyle Jansen, a sex educator and the founder of Toronto feminist sex shop Good for Her, says she often recommends these types of toys to women who have a harder time orgasming or for those who already have a few vibrators and are looking for something different for the goody drawer.

$75.00, available at Good For Her.
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Nova by We-Vibe

Are you a clit girl or a G-spot girl? With this baby, you don’t have to choose. The bendy clitoral “branch” of this toy means it will stay in contact with your nub even while you’re thrusting, and the G-spot branch isn’t so long that it smashes painfully against your cervix. There are separate g-spot and clitoral controls where you can choose from different vibration patterns like Bounce, Surf, and Cha Cha Cha; you can even program your own via an app. The Nova is also waterproof, so it’s bath and shower friendly.

$152.00, available at Good For Her.
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Mr Boss by Fun Factory

Not to be confused with Fun Factory’s Big Boss vibrator, this scaled-down version of the classic battery-powered toy has the same soft, ridged silicone, deep rumbling action for some good old-fashioned buzzing and thrusting without the size-queen dimensions.

$99.00, available at Good For Her.
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Mona 2 by Lelo

This g-spot toy from lux Swedish toy brand Lelo is meant to imitate a lover’s finger’s “come hither” movement. We’re here to tell you the whole thing wiggles like a little sex snake. You love snakes. We’re not judging.

$219.00, available at Lelo.
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The Fireman by Smile Makers

This pretty toy is a small, quiet clitoral and vulvar silicone vibe and has a real live fireman inside it! (JK.) The little nose goes right on your clit and the “flames” buzz the rest of your outside area, or you can use the flames to flick — dealer’s choice! A non-intimidating, uncomplicated waterproof cutie especially good for first timers.

$49.95 USD, available at Smile Makers.
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JimmyJane Form 2

This small silicone vibe is both stylish and eager to wrap both sides of your clit with its weird bunny-ear arms. It’s waterproof, charges by USB, and lockable for travel — no scaring the customs agents or baggage handlers, OK? They have enough to deal with!

$150.00, available at Good For Her.
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Sona by Lelo

Another entry (jokes!) in the non-direct-contact clitoral stimulation game, this sonic massager uses waves and pulses to reach the 75% of your clitoris that you don’t see. Its design sits comfortably in your hand — sounds dumb but an ergonomic sex toy is actually a major bonus — is waterproof, and has eight settings.

$189.00 $87.00, available at Lelo.

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