No offense to Maya Angelou, but poetry has never really been our jam. All that iambic pentameter just makes our head spin. As it turns out though, we just haven't been reading works by the right poets who could really speak to us, namely PR reps. Because this morning, when we opened our inboxes and found this little gem, it was as if Christmas had come early and given us a gift we didn't even know we wanted: A poem about vibrators. To introduce us to The ScreamingO's new line of "battery-operated boyfriends" that look like beauty products (more on that later), one intrepid flack decided to bare her soul by composing a poem that sings the praises of her client:
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Stockings waiting for treasures by the fireplace lit.
This year Santa’s gonna ace it!
Ultimate joy for girls only.
Lipstick, mascara, blush brush disguised as things that will ensure she’ll never be lonely.
Battery operated boyfriends usually so crude
The Studio Collection “beauty products” will always put her in the mood.
Winter is a time to be cozy
Everyone will love the smile on Mom’s face and kids will stop being nosy.
We're really glad she managed to work references to Santa, vibrators, young children, and our mothers into one priceless work of poetry art. Admit it, you want to know more about the Studio Collection, don't you? Purely for context, of course. Well, they're vibrators that look like beauty products: makeup brushes, lipstick, and mascara. Because that's what was missing from our holiday wish list this year — sex toys masquerading as makeup. We don't know about you guys, but that mascara wand is kind of scary looking.
When all is said and done, though, we have to give this girl credit for trying something different; she definitely managed to capture our attention.
Think you can do a better job immortalizing the vibrator? Give us your best rhyme, haiku, or limerick in the comments below.
Photo: Courtesy of The ScreamingO