Life Advice From Women In 40s To 20 Something Selves

photographed by alan labisch.

Whatever stage you're at in life, there's always room for improvement, whether that's by spending more quality time with family, starting a side hustle or simply getting more sleep. But it's hard enough balancing work with a social life in your 20s without having to strive to be #flawless as well.

So it's encouraging and heartening to glean nuggets of life advice from women who've made it out the other side of the tumultuous decade.

On Sunday, Professor Nyasha Junior (@NyashaJunior) posted a callout for life advice on Twitter and it's inspired women in their 40s to take stock of their lives and pass on their sagest wisdom to their twentysomething selves.

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If you are a 40+ woman, what one piece of advice would you give to your 20-something self? pic.twitter.com/igZCFoFsAP
— Nyasha Junior (@NyashaJunior) September 16, 2018

Women from all over the world responded to the callout and are sharing what they've learned in four decades of life. The advice is a healthy mix of the frivolous ("you're on your feet all day" so wear "better shoes", and "go on vacation and take cute pictures") and the more heartfelt ("be at peace with your past" and "learn to disassociate love from heartache and pain"), and it's largely applicable to anyone, regardless of gender, age or sexuality.

The self-help industry is flourishing – with manuals available about everything from mindful drinking and stopping smoking to overcoming mental health issues and streamlining your possessions – but life is short and there aren't enough hours in the day to get through them all.

So thanks to the fortysomething women of Twitter for these pearls of wisdom and insight. If you take nothing else from their words, at least think about listening to the countless women who recommended adding sunscreen to your skincare routine.

On love and heartbreak

“Bad boys” are not fun or sexy. They’re actually bad people and will hurt you in some way shape or form.
— ❄️Kimba❄️ (@kimba__what) September 16, 2018

If you find yourself waiting for someone to call, the relationship is already doomed.
— Marisa Carroll (@MarisaJudeHere) September 16, 2018

You don’t have to give up any of yourself for the right person.
— Andi Cumbo-Floyd (@andilit) September 16, 2018

Never chase anyone who doesn’t want you. Not a job, not a love interest - you will always be begging for their attention. Go where you’re wanted, make your own opportunities, and never wait for someone to ask you to do what you want to do. Don’t forget your worth!
— Lauri Lynnxe Murphy (@lynnxe) September 16, 2018

Learn to disassociate love from heartache and pain. Those feelings are the result of trying too hard to love people who deliberately mistreat you.
— Leona's Love Quest? (@LeonasLoveQuest) September 16, 2018

On friends and family

Make friends and cherish them. You will need each other in your 40s.
— Carrie Schroeder (@ctschroeder) September 16, 2018

Spend time with the people you love, especially elderly family members. They will be gone before you realize it. Listen to their stories, remember them, and tell your children or others those wonderful stories.

Good luck to you! ❤️
— Lee Ann (@Leeleefix) September 17, 2018

On work

Write your name on the bottom of every document you produce at work, when volunteering and keep a copy for yourself. Keep track of every accomplishment, no one else will.
— Dat Historian, BA MA M1 (@AbenaKJohn) September 17, 2018

Learn your strengths and design a life where you use them everyday. Get liberated from the myth of well-roundedness. Find your edge, sharpen it, and then use it to craft a life you love.
— Amber Benson (@AmberBenson) September 16, 2018

On success

Define success for yourself. Define what you care about. Don’t substitute the judgment of others for your own. You are the expert at you.
— Denise Hamilton (@OfficialDHam) September 16, 2018

On making decisions

Follow that feeling that something is a yes or no. You can use all the fucking logic and heart and degrees and whatever bullshit. There is something in the body. The gut. Maybe God or ancestors or whatever but stop and listen on those big life choices.
— blackyard (@blackyardart) September 16, 2018

On self-care and loving yourself

Find the energy to love yourself first. Don't look for love in men, friends or children you're not ready to have. Save more money. Exercise more and eat better foods.
— Gucci on my booty (@Senterstage) September 16, 2018

1) You look great. Right now. Just like this.
2) If someone makes you feel bad about yourself for something that hurts no one, you do not need that person in your life.
3) Ask directly for the work opportunities you want. Your boss can't read your mind.
— Tragic Sandwich (@TragicSandwich) September 16, 2018

You will find love, but first make friends with your body, your talent, and your face. Live alone, find yourself, be at peace with your past. Only then will you be ready for your soulmate. You’ve got time girlie!
— Mari McNeil (@Mari_McNeil) September 16, 2018

Never chase anyone who doesn’t want you. Not a job, not a love interest - you will always be begging for their attention. Go where you’re wanted, make your own opportunities, and never wait for someone to ask you to do what you want to do. Don’t forget your worth!
— Lauri Lynnxe Murphy (@lynnxe) September 16, 2018

On self-perception

Question the story you’ve told yourself about yourself. Try things, even if you’ve told yourself you won’t like it or won’t be good at it. Save $ every paycheck, even if it’s only $10.
— When Doves Cry (@PupsherLive) September 16, 2018