Maybe it's because I needed him to be in a relationship that looks — from Instagram, at least — like it could be for the long haul. Maybe it’s because I recently realised I’m demisexual
(the experience of feeling sexual attraction only after establishing an emotional bond with a partner), which in turn has helped me to understand why I’ve so often struggled to feel the sexual attraction I had with Matt with anyone else. Maybe it’s because I'm finally feeling centred and purposeful in a career that feels right for me, after years of feeling adrift in a stream of jobs that were 'just for now'. Maybe it’s all these things, and some other factors that I’m not even aware of yet.