Everybody embellishes on Instagram. That’s kind of the point. Should we be better at giving people credit and citing our sources? Of course. But some of the unspoken rules of Instagram give us some leeway – not every single person, location, or brand needs to be tagged.
But of course, unspoken rules can’t always be universally assumed. Every social group and community pocket has different rules for Instagram. There are those who, upon following, like every post you’ve ever shared. There are those who find that absolutely terrifying. And then, there are people who get heated when you don’t tag them... in a picture they’re not actually in.
On Monday, Queer Eye’s Antoni Porowski shared a picture of himself at a Christmas party. The first is of him with three dogs, two bulldogs and a big floofy boy, in the trunk of a car. No location tags, just a caption, “with my clique at the Christmas party,” and a camera emoji to give the photographer some credit for taking the pic. The second picture sees Porowski in a very clean stable, caressing a horse captioned: “socializing at Christmas parties.” He has a bottle of Dom in hand. It’s a regular Monday. This is your run-of-the-mill Instagram photo-dump. Nothing to see here.
Except for, wait a minute, who is in the comment with an extra large spoon? Why, it’s @marthasteward48, stirring the proverbial pot. The Martha Stewart hasd a bone to pick with the young chef: “Dear antoni: this is @marthastewart48 You did not tag me on this photo of my stable nor the photo of my beautiful dogs Han, Qin , bete noir and creme brulee We are bummed about that because you have so many followers and you are my Christmas cookies!!! You were nice not to post the forbidden scenes and we thank you!!!”
He used her dogs, he ate her food, walked through her stables, and this is how he shows his gratitude? He is her Christmas cookie! He has so many followers! At least he didn’t post the “forbidden scenes.” And for that she thanks him.
But as the uber-famous do, the rest of the “feud” plaid out with Marie Antoinette-level niceties and formalities. Porowski whipped out his feather pen and crafter a most humorous response, which he delivered by courier pigeon into his story:
“Dearest @marthastewart48 (I got your insta right this time), apologies for not respectfully mentioning dear doggos Empress Chin, Emperor Han, Bête Noire, and cuddle monster Créme Brûlée. They deserve recognition also I rewatch your cabbage roll demo with your dear mum Mrs. Kostyra more often than I care to admit. *Also @moll_doll23 would’ve whacked me across the head if I posted said forbidden scenes.”
For the third act of this play, Porowski’s protagonist stands by a fire pit, his monologue reads: “Patiently keeping my hands warm by her fire pit until @marthastewart48 follows me back.”
Then, from behind the curtain, Lady Stewart leaves a note: “I think we started a social media “feud” which was not the point I just wanted you to acknowledge my fire, my animals, and my food which you so seemed to love?”
End scene. But, uh, is anyone still wondering about those “forbidden scenes”? We are, and probably will be until the end of time (or maybe just the next time Martha has a party and someone with less discretion than Antoni is on the invite list).