In “Joan Song,” a once lonely woman named Joan (Aidy Bryant) sings about her lackluster life. She sings about living alone after being cheated on by her boyfriend, Steve. Things have taken a turn for the better, though, ever since Joan leaned into that whole “men are dogs” thing.
She introduces us to her new man, er, dog: a chubby-necked chihuahua named Doug. They do everything together. They talk, share food, and, yes, kiss. But don’t worry, kissing is as far as their physical intimacy goes, as Joan sings that they do not have sex.
The sketch’s weird factor goes from zero to 100 when the chihuahua transforms into Styles, SNL’s host and musical guest this week. Styles sports the same sweater as the dog version of Doug and the collar too, which looks surprisingly good on Styles in a kinky sort of way.
“Joan, I love you. I love the way you feed me ham. You’re my wife, my love, my everything. I love you just the way you am,” Styles croons as he comes to life right before Joan and our eyes. It’s so funny and Bryant does such a good job looking mesmerized that you’re willing to overlook the grammar faux pas.
The bizarre fantasy sequence continues with Styles eating out of the trash can, cowering in a corner at the sight of a vacuum cleaner, and frolicking through somewhere with lots of candles, holding hands with Joan. It’s quirky. It’s sort of disturbing. And yet, it’s hard to deny the sexual chemistry between Joan and Styles/Doug. He’s perfect, even if he does eat socks and underwear that result in a blockage in his intestine that will cost $8,000 to fix.
Sigh. Can Harry Styles be my dog boyfriend, too?
Watch the full sketch below.