In addition to being everyone's main source of distraction and a vast collection of cat memes, the internet is a depository of how-tos. How do you get a smoky eye? How do you wrap a gift the Japanese way? How do you whip? And how do you nae nae? It's all online somewhere. And because "all" really does mean "all," there's even a page that offers up instructions on how to eat pizza.
For those unfamiliar, Quora, a destination that offers up everything from the mundane to the must-know, is a place where users can post questions. Well, someone asked, "What should I do if I got a pizza?" and the site's vast network responded with a slew of different options, but the first one is a real-life, step-by-step guide on how to consume a pizza.
It's tough to tell whether or not the reply is trying to help or troll. It starts off with instructions on picking out a slice (triangle or square, depending). Then, it continues, with, "Now that you have picked up a slice, move your hand (with the pizza, it doesn't work if you use your other hand) and put the pizza in your mouth (don't put your hand in as well)."
The next step seems to tip things towards the genuine: "Bite down on the pizza using those white things in your mouth. If you do not have those white things then I have no idea why you are reading this as you probably only eat soup (sorry if you actually don't, I'm not trying to offend anyone)."
Repeat until gone, right? Not so fast — because sincerity is often accompanied by snark, Quora's users chimed in with some smart-ass comments after the initial instructions. This is why we can't have nice things like unicorns on the internet: even nice guys get a pie to the face.
One user went the scientific route, finished off with a virtual eye roll. "Immediately use your amylase enzymes to transform the carbohydrate chains in the pizza into shorter, simpler chains of glucose, then subject it to hydrochloric acid while having pepsin enzymes digest the pizza's protein molecules. Tl;dr - EAT IT."
Another was more direct: "Hopefully you're typing with one hand and shoving that thing in your face with the other. If not, hop to."
But what are these folks doing adding their two pennies to a question that's already been answered so thoughtfully and beautifully? It's another case of people butting in for no reason. Hey, folks, YouTube beauty tutorials don't watch themselves. There's plenty to do on the net aside from trolling curious pizza eaters.
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