Six years ago we were graced with the original mystery of Pretty Little Liars — what happened "that night." We all now know that the girls, led by Ali (Sasha Pieterse) accidentally blinded Jenna (Tammin Sursok) in a twisted and misguided revenge plot against Toby (Keegan Allen) gone wrong. Jenna has been a prime A suspect since she first showed up to town in her red hooded leotard, wearing the same Halloween costume as Ali. "That night" only gave her a motive, and guaranteed we'd have a lot of questions for the rest of the show.
Her character always ends up being a red herring and written as a victim instead. It seems likely that will happen again, but there are still a lot of holes in the timeline and theories to go with it. Elliott was Charlotte's (Vanessa Ray) therapist, meaning Archer Dunhill has pretended to be Elliott for over five years. That is a long time for some plan against The Liars. Why? What is worth spending so much time on?
Oh, and the previews promised a surprise proposal, but considering all of the characters are either in turmoil or just recently shacking up again — what couple is misguidedly putting a ring on it? My bet is on my least favorite couple — Ezra (Ian Harding) and Aria (Lucy Hale). I promise, this is not what Beyoncé had in mind.
1. Why isn't Mary Drake (Andrea Parker) even pretending to act normal? Schemes normally work out better when you don't act "demented" (using Ali's words here) from the get-go.
2. Why wasn't Mary Drake around when Charlotte was in rehab?
3. How did Mary go from acting crazy and overprotective to nice and welcoming in less than a minute? Oh yes, she's trying to manipulate Ali. Ali, don't fall for it.
4. How did Elliott get away with pretending to be a doctor for so many years? There is a good amount of schooling and certification involved...
5. Why are the girls still lying to the men in their lives? Those same exact men are actually the reason they survived high school.
7. Did that sexual tension between Emily and Ali mean Emison is end game?
8. Did Elliott take all of Ali's money while she was locked up?
9. Is Nicole actually alive?
10. WAIT. Why are the writers trying to make us care about this character that we don't know, and have never cared about, in the show's last season?
11. If A.D. wasn't Archer Dunhill, then who is it?
12. If you have to call your boyfriend's ex girlfriend to find him, then you probably aren't "in love" with him. Spencer (Troian Bellisario), what are you thinking?
13. SPENCER. Why are you now going to your ex-boyfriend to find your boyfriend?
14. Why doesn't Spencer know how relationships or friendships work?
15. Spencer hooked up with a detective investigating Elliott's disappearance and Toby's boss??? Even her random hookups are stupidly complicated.
16. Why are they still trying to make Sara Harvey (Dre Davis) a thing?
17. Remember how Emily bailed on Nicole to hang out with Sara Harvey? If she hadn't then Sara might be gone and this stupid Ezra/Nicole storyline would have never happened.
19. Why are Emily and Aria just hanging out in the apartment that at best is evidence the police will find and at worst is a trap set by A?
20. Who is the man that broke Mary Drake's heart? The meaning behind "Little Sparrow" was clearly too personal for her.
21. Of course Elliott did not target the DiLaurentis family for their money. Did no one inform this detective about who Ali is and what happened to her in high school?!
22. Why is someone leading the Elliott trail to Baltimore?
23. Why is Hanna (Ashley Benson) still wearing that stupid, fake engagement ring? Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) is way better than Jordan anyways. Go claim your man!
24. "Your friends gave me your dirty jacket, but I couldn't find a shred of evidence." -A.D." Does that mean that A.D. is actually not fully evil?
25. STOP. EZRA, YOU ARE THE WORST. You were just (rightfully) accused of sexually harassing Aria by inappropriately hooking up with her when she was your underage student (after hooking up with her 15-year-old friend). Why did that encourage you to propose to her?
26. Why would you start a proposal with, "I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen"?
27. All the best characters are coming back! What side is Noel Kahn (Noel Kahn) on this time?
29. Do we get a surprise character from PLL-past every week? I can't wait until we get a scene of Sara, Jason (Drew Van Acker), Melissa (Torrey DeVitto), Wren (Julian Morris), Noel, Maya (Bianca Lawson), Lucas (Brendan Robinson), Jenna, and all the other great red herrings sitting around swapping personal grievances.
28. Did the girls make the same mistake that started this whole thing and bury someone alive?! You would think after being buried alive, Ali would know better. They should all know better!