I Tried To Do 4th Of July Like Taylor Swift & All I Got Was This Stupid Sunburn

Photo: Matt Baron/REX/Shutterstock.
There is nothing I hate more than a party-focused holiday. Halloween, New Year's, St. Patrick's Day — anything that puts pressure on having an incredible, picture-perfect time immediately gives me indigestion. What if nobody invites me to their party? And if they do, what if there's a better one? Is this what I wear? Am I doing literally any of this right? And even if I am, I'll inevitably open Instagram to see someone, somewhere having a better time — and that someone is Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift has a finely-curated Instagram aesthetic, but at no time is it more enviable than during the 4th of July. The "Blank Space" singer has made a name for herself when it comes to her Americana-induced soirées, and year after year we can reliably see it all documented through photos on social media — except, it seems, this year. In 2017, Swift broke tradition and did not have her usual celebrity-clad celebration. Where were the models? The beach antics? The baked goods? If Taylor Swift wasn't going to have her annual party, then maybe I should. For America.
So when 4th of July came around this year, I traded my tried-and-true method of "sitting this one out" for the red, white, and blue of the single American-themed item of clothing I owned and a ferry ticket to Queens. I was going to have a picture-perfect 4th of July, goddammit, and I was going to do it exactly like Taylor Swift. Here's how it went down.
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