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Welcome to Up & Cumming, where real-life couples get candid about their sex lives, and what products and practices they bring into the bedroom to strengthen their partnership emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “what happens behind closed doors,” when referring to sex. And maybe I’m a bit of an outlier here because I write about my own sexual preferences on the internet all day, but I think it’s time to swing that door wide open and pull it off its hinges. Let’s talk about sex, baby. Welcome to Most Wanted’s newest monthly series, Up & Cumming, where real-life couples get candid about their sex lives, and share what products and practices bring them closer inside the bedroom and out.
Welcome to Up & Cumming, where real-life couples get candid about their sex lives, and what products and practices they bring into the bedroom to strengthen their partnership emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “what happens behind closed doors,” when referring to sex. And maybe I’m a bit of an outlier here because I write about my own sexual preferences on the internet all day, but I think it’s time to swing that door wide open and pull it off its hinges. Let’s talk about sex, baby. Welcome to Most Wanted’s newest monthly series, Up & Cumming, where real-life couples get candid about their sex lives, and share what products and practices bring them closer inside the bedroom and out.
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This series isn’t intended to solely represent or appeal to the sexually adventurous; those just beginning to explore their sexuality and those simply eager to take a voyeuristic peek into the lives of others are every bit as welcome. Each month, I’ll open the proverbial bedroom door to couples of all genders, sexual orientations, ages, body shapes, kink preferences, religions, professions, and more to delve into sex and intimacy in its many forms. We're talking how often, which positions, where, with whom, and why.
One of the best parts of my job is hearing that I’ve inspired friends and strangers alike to be more open about sex. Whether it's a new viral TikTok sensation that spurred a first sex toy purchase or an arousal serum that gave someone an out-of-this-world orgasm, the more I share about my own sexual experiences, the more others feel comfortable doing so themselves. That’s why, for my inaugural Up & Cumming (with the help of my fiancée), I’ve opened the door to my own bedroom. Mom, please don’t read this.
One of the best parts of my job is hearing that I’ve inspired friends and strangers alike to be more open about sex. Whether it's a new viral TikTok sensation that spurred a first sex toy purchase or an arousal serum that gave someone an out-of-this-world orgasm, the more I share about my own sexual experiences, the more others feel comfortable doing so themselves. That’s why, for my inaugural Up & Cumming (with the help of my fiancée), I’ve opened the door to my own bedroom. Mom, please don’t read this.
TW: Sexual assault. If you have experienced sexual violence and are in need of crisis support, please call the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Meet The Couple
Name: Charlotte
Age: 36
Sexuality: Bisexual
Pronouns: She/her/hers
Profession: R29 Sexual Health & Wellness Writer
Name: Donna
Age: 32
Sexuality: Bisexual
Pronouns: She/her/hers
Profession: Market Researcher
Relationship status: Engaged
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Partnership: Monogamous
Length of Relationship: 3 years
Age: 36
Sexuality: Bisexual
Pronouns: She/her/hers
Profession: R29 Sexual Health & Wellness Writer
Name: Donna
Age: 32
Sexuality: Bisexual
Pronouns: She/her/hers
Profession: Market Researcher
Relationship status: Engaged
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Partnership: Monogamous
Length of Relationship: 3 years
What’s our living situation like?
D: We live together in a two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with our adorable dog, Rory, and we both work from home.
D: We live together in a two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with our adorable dog, Rory, and we both work from home.
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Where do we primarily have sex?
C: In the bedroom, although we currently aren’t fans of our mattress. It’s all foam, so there’s no good leverage. We should probably explore other places in the apartment, but there aren’t that other many spots.
D: I do not like shower sex. I don't know that we've even fully attempted it. It feels so dangerous. But we love to take a shower together. It is such a nice form of intimacy that makes us, I think, feel closer together.
C: It’s also like 30 minutes of foreplay.
C: In the bedroom, although we currently aren’t fans of our mattress. It’s all foam, so there’s no good leverage. We should probably explore other places in the apartment, but there aren’t that other many spots.
D: I do not like shower sex. I don't know that we've even fully attempted it. It feels so dangerous. But we love to take a shower together. It is such a nice form of intimacy that makes us, I think, feel closer together.
C: It’s also like 30 minutes of foreplay.
How often do we have sex?
C: I’ll be real. I deal with severe anxiety and depression, and although it is managed, it goes through slumps. I have a super-high sex drive, but sometimes I'll just feel off. I have sensory issues. Even the slightest thing can derail me.
D: We both have a lot of medical issues. Something that has happened more recently with our sex life, compared to when we first got together, is just finding time for sex. We have to really strike when the iron is hot. If all the planets align, we're both feeling well, and we have the time, we're having sex.
C: Immediately.
C: I’ll be real. I deal with severe anxiety and depression, and although it is managed, it goes through slumps. I have a super-high sex drive, but sometimes I'll just feel off. I have sensory issues. Even the slightest thing can derail me.
D: We both have a lot of medical issues. Something that has happened more recently with our sex life, compared to when we first got together, is just finding time for sex. We have to really strike when the iron is hot. If all the planets align, we're both feeling well, and we have the time, we're having sex.
C: Immediately.
How would you describe our sex life?
D: Comfortable. We’re super comfortable with each other. We laugh during sex all the time.
C: That's my favorite part of our sex life — that we laugh literally constantly. I remember there was one time where you tried to squeeze lube into my hand, except it missed, and it went everywhere. And it was, like, on my stomach, on my boobs. It was everywhere except my vagina. And I was just, like, dying of laughter.
D: I would say my favorite part of our sex life is how encouraging you are and how much you've changed my perspective of and relationship to sex in such a positive way.
C: I also appreciate that you never make me feel bad for wanting or not wanting to have sex. You never make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. And it feels really mutual. It doesn't feel like I'm ever asking you for more than you want to give or that you're asking for more than I want to give; it feels very understanding and balanced and nuanced in a way that brings me joy and confidence in our communication skills and our compatibility.
D: Comfortable. We’re super comfortable with each other. We laugh during sex all the time.
C: That's my favorite part of our sex life — that we laugh literally constantly. I remember there was one time where you tried to squeeze lube into my hand, except it missed, and it went everywhere. And it was, like, on my stomach, on my boobs. It was everywhere except my vagina. And I was just, like, dying of laughter.
D: I would say my favorite part of our sex life is how encouraging you are and how much you've changed my perspective of and relationship to sex in such a positive way.
C: I also appreciate that you never make me feel bad for wanting or not wanting to have sex. You never make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. And it feels really mutual. It doesn't feel like I'm ever asking you for more than you want to give or that you're asking for more than I want to give; it feels very understanding and balanced and nuanced in a way that brings me joy and confidence in our communication skills and our compatibility.
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How is that different than the sex you had before getting together?
C: Oh god. Extremely. My first sexual experience was assault, so that was essentially my sexual baseline. I thought that everything that wasn't assault was good. I had a lot of partners who didn't care about my pleasure at all and a lot of people who made me feel like garbage about my body — and I already had a really bad relationship with my body. But you had such a positive reaction to my body that I think it helped heal my relationship not only with my body but also with sex.…And I was very surprised that I could have orgasms with someone else.
D: Really?
C: Yeah! And it was really reaffirming because I thought I could only get off with sex toys before. Shout out to the Tracy’s Dog OG for getting me through all those mediocre sexual experiences.
C: Oh god. Extremely. My first sexual experience was assault, so that was essentially my sexual baseline. I thought that everything that wasn't assault was good. I had a lot of partners who didn't care about my pleasure at all and a lot of people who made me feel like garbage about my body — and I already had a really bad relationship with my body. But you had such a positive reaction to my body that I think it helped heal my relationship not only with my body but also with sex.…And I was very surprised that I could have orgasms with someone else.
D: Really?
C: Yeah! And it was really reaffirming because I thought I could only get off with sex toys before. Shout out to the Tracy’s Dog OG for getting me through all those mediocre sexual experiences.
D: My upbringing had told me how scary sex was or how big of a deal it was, but it was so much more comfortable from the start than I expected and was not scary at all. It really almost annoyed me how much society built up. I thought things would be, like, new and scary with you. That definitely was just a giant question mark: What is sex with a woman?
C: We took a crash course together. You thought I was going to be way more experienced than I was, but you were actually the first woman I’d really had sex with. When we had sex for the first time, it was like, oh.
D: It wasn't that different from any other sexual experience.
C: We took a crash course together. You thought I was going to be way more experienced than I was, but you were actually the first woman I’d really had sex with. When we had sex for the first time, it was like, oh.
D: It wasn't that different from any other sexual experience.
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What else have we learned about sex together?
D: Lube is great! That’s what I want people to take away from this. If I hear one of my friends say one more time that they don't need lube...it's like, have you tried it, though?
C: We have a bucket load of lube.
D: Lube is great! That’s what I want people to take away from this. If I hear one of my friends say one more time that they don't need lube...it's like, have you tried it, though?
C: We have a bucket load of lube.
Do we have a favorite lube?
C: My favorite is the Lelo Personal Moisturizer. Specifically, the one with the pump. I also really like Unbound’s Jolt Gel, which is an arousal gel and can help jump-start the mood. It’s tingly. It also has a pump.
D: Lube helps me get in the mood, solo or partnered.
C: My favorite is the Lelo Personal Moisturizer. Specifically, the one with the pump. I also really like Unbound’s Jolt Gel, which is an arousal gel and can help jump-start the mood. It’s tingly. It also has a pump.
D: Lube helps me get in the mood, solo or partnered.
Since you brought it up, what does your solo sex look like?
D: I am figuring out how to have solo sex time. I have not figured it out. I think I have certain preconceived notions about when or where I should have sex and what I'm comfortable with knowing you’re there. So I'm not really comfortable masturbating if you're asleep in the bed next to me.
C: Even though I've told you it's totally fine.
D: I am figuring out how to have solo sex time. I have not figured it out. I think I have certain preconceived notions about when or where I should have sex and what I'm comfortable with knowing you’re there. So I'm not really comfortable masturbating if you're asleep in the bed next to me.
C: Even though I've told you it's totally fine.
How did you have solo sex before living together?
D: Before we moved in together I had one sex toy, the Lelo Elise. It was my first sex toy.
C: Wow! You started off strong. I think my first sex toy was like $10 from Spencer’s.
D: Before we moved in together I had one sex toy, the Lelo Elise. It was my first sex toy.
C: Wow! You started off strong. I think my first sex toy was like $10 from Spencer’s.
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So how do you get into the mood?
D: I don’t like watching porn, but I do love reading smutty fiction. Shout out to A Court Of Silver Flames. Also, lingerie. I don't know how it started, but we somehow got in the habit of occasionally buying a new lingerie set and just surprising the other one.
C: Do you have a favorite set? Of mine or yours?
D: For you? The red Parade one. But I think it's worth pointing out that I love wearing lingerie, too.
C: I definitely am a visual person. I love seeing your body in lingerie. It makes me happy. That’s something I learned when we got together, too: I love having sex with the lights on.
D: I don’t like watching porn, but I do love reading smutty fiction. Shout out to A Court Of Silver Flames. Also, lingerie. I don't know how it started, but we somehow got in the habit of occasionally buying a new lingerie set and just surprising the other one.
C: Do you have a favorite set? Of mine or yours?
D: For you? The red Parade one. But I think it's worth pointing out that I love wearing lingerie, too.
C: I definitely am a visual person. I love seeing your body in lingerie. It makes me happy. That’s something I learned when we got together, too: I love having sex with the lights on.
What else would you like to explore in your sex life?
D: Incorporating toys. It’s funny, I watch the most surprising packages come into our home — Love Hamma, I’m looking at you. But we rarely use them.
C: Because testing sex toys is such a huge part of my job, I don’t want to feel like my job is coming into the bedroom. You’re welcome to try any of my toys, though. There’s a literal mountain of unopened sex toys in our office. I gave you the Satisfyer Pro 2, and you still haven’t tried it!
D: I will! I think we have to be a little more intentional, like, "Oh, let's try this tonight, or, let's try that tomorrow. Put it on the nightstand."
C: I would never, ever think of that. But that's so true. It's like, what if our next time, we use one of the accessories from the Lovehoney Advent Calendar? It came with restraints and handcuffs that I’d love to try out.
D: Incorporating toys. It’s funny, I watch the most surprising packages come into our home — Love Hamma, I’m looking at you. But we rarely use them.
C: Because testing sex toys is such a huge part of my job, I don’t want to feel like my job is coming into the bedroom. You’re welcome to try any of my toys, though. There’s a literal mountain of unopened sex toys in our office. I gave you the Satisfyer Pro 2, and you still haven’t tried it!
D: I will! I think we have to be a little more intentional, like, "Oh, let's try this tonight, or, let's try that tomorrow. Put it on the nightstand."
C: I would never, ever think of that. But that's so true. It's like, what if our next time, we use one of the accessories from the Lovehoney Advent Calendar? It came with restraints and handcuffs that I’d love to try out.
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What is one thing you hope people learn from reading this?
D: Communicate.
C: Communicate.
D: Communicate.
C: Communicate.
Interested in being interviewed for future installments of Up & Cumming? Please email Charlotte.Lewis@vice.com for more information.