What Happened When I Let Tom Brady Pick Out My Meals

Photo: Taylor Hill/WireImage.
Tom Brady's eating habits are notoriously strict. The quarterback, multi-multi-Super Bowl champ, and Mr. Giselle reportedly eats an 80% plant-based diet that excludes all nightshades and processed sugars. His regimented meal plans are even a part of his lifestyle brand and fitness company, TB12. Starting last year, the TB12 cookbook went on sale for a cool $200. And, back in March, we learned eating like Tom Brady was about to get (a little) more affordable.
Vegan meal delivery service Purple Carrot partnered with TB12 to create TB12 Performance Meals, a subscription box that includes three new plant-based recipes every week. At $78 a week, it's $10 more than Purple Carrot's regular subscription, but, then again, those meals don't come with the guarantee that "meals like these" are what help Brady stay at the top of his game.
According to Purple Carrot's website, the TB12 performance meals are great for anyone looking to "maximize [their] performance on the playing field," as well as those wanting to "eat more cleanly," or just want to be like Tom Brady. As a non-vegan, non-athlete, non-sports fan, I am decidedly none of those things. But I was curious: could a plant-based meal made with one of the most decorated professional athletes in history stand up to the scrutiny of someone whose perfect meal is delivery pizza with a side of garlic knots?
In other words: could the least ideal audience for this subscription plan possibly review it favorably? As it turns out, it might not be as difficult as getting five championship rings.