The Incredible Thing I Discovered When I Started Smoking Weed Before Sex

Photographed by Tayler Smith.
I self-identify as a pothead. It’s not just that I love being high, I also love what it does to my mind and body. Instead of becoming sluggish and distant, as many stereotypical portrayals of stoners go, my awareness is magnified and my mood is uplifted, allowing me to forget my worries and focus on being productive. But most importantly, it makes me horny as fuck.

The first time I got high, I was 19 and with my then-boyfriend. I ate an entire frozen pizza myself, put the empty box on my head, and laughed at every single thing that happened. I was already taking prescription medication for my anxiety, but I loved how being stoned made the final remnants of my worries dissipate. My body was able to relax in a way I had never experienced before.

Weed quickly became my drug of choice in the months following my initial experience. It wasn’t until I had been smoking for half a year that I realized weed was also responsible for helping me become regularly orgasmic for the first time in my life. Since my anti-anxiety medication had a dampening effect on my sex drive, I had spent the last year searching for herbal and holistic libido enhancers. I’d tried a female libido supplement from the health food store and taken an omega fish oil supplement to combat my issue with vaginal dryness, but weed fertilized my sex drive and helped me get wet in a way that was so immediate that I ditched my herbal remedies. There was simply no other sensation quite like sex while I was stoned.

I know this is going to sound a little woo-woo, but when I'm aroused while I’m stoned, it feels as though my mind is able to zero in on all the individual muscles in my vulva that are specific to achieving orgasm. When I first experienced this, I suddenly became acutely aware of just how much pressure I need to have applied to my G-spot, and I could control my pelvic floor with precision and ease. Additionally, the sensation of being stoned brought a delightful buzz to my body that I had never experienced before, like there was light and positive sexual energy pinging around inside my entire system.

I suddenly became acutely aware of just how much pressure I need to have applied to my G-spot, and I could control my pelvic floor with precision and ease.

Once I realized just how well my body responded to weed, I was able to harness these sensations during moments when I felt particularly anxious about sex. When I was 20, a guy I had been friends with for years came to stay with me for the weekend. We had recently begun flirting with each other and talking even more despite our distance, and I was nervous to see him because it had been so long since we'd actually spoken face to face. Since I’d known him for so long and he was still a virgin, I couldn’t stop fretting over the risk this posed to our friendship and the pressure I felt to give him a stellar sexual experience.

The first night he stayed with me, I felt just as tense as I’d feared I would. I wanted so badly to be intimate with him, but my body was in full-on freak-out mode from nerves. Once I rolled up a joint, though, I became my self-lubricating, horny, weed-goddess self. Smoking transformed the entire environment from awkward to sensual, and I felt myself becoming more open and in touch with my body. When we fucked, we melted into each other in a gentle, loving way that left both of us feeling closer than ever, and what resulted was an incredibly positive and memorable experience for both of us.

In a world where sexuality is regarded as being very genital-centric, it’s easy to forget that, as neurologists have found, arousal actually begins in our brains. General anxiety and overthinking are often responsible for what WebMD refers to as “performance anxiety.” Sometimes, a very small physical issue that hinders sexual function is exacerbated by our minds, which actually worsens the issue at hand. Erectile dysfunction is often caused by a combination of physical and mental factors, according to the Mayo Clinic, and the same is true for vaginal sexual responses.

But while I’ve found weed to be a positive addition to my life (sexual and otherwise), it’s still much more common and socially acceptable to drink alcohol in the lead-up to sex, even though the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism estimates that half of all sexual assaults are committed by men who have been drinking. I think that the reason many people use alcohol as a social lubricant is that it quells those fear-driven voices in our heads. But since alcohol is a depressant, it slows down the nervous system, decreases our ability to orgasm, and, as the Rape Crisis Network of Ireland reports, negatively affects our ability to ask for or give consent.

The full effects of marijuana are still hotly debated, and much of the current research has resulted in fear mongering (and very little of it focuses on potential sexual benefits). While weed can have both stimulant and depressant properties, according to, many people report that it stimulates their sensations of pleasure. And a recent (but very small) study out of New York University suggests that sex while high leads to “magnified” orgasms and less regret than sex while drunk.

Of course, I don’t think that everyone should smoke weed if they want to increase their libido, but I do know that it has been a very useful tool for people who aren’t vulnerable to the negative side effects of being stoned, such as paranoia. But if you’re like me, and you feel uplifted when you’re stoned, I definitely encourage you to (safely and legally) explore marijuana’s ability to enhance your sexual experience.

Geneticists have already begun creating special low-THC strains of weed that are designed to help women orgasm, weed suppositories that help ease period cramps, and weed-based lubricants.

The good news is that weed has become legal for medical and recreational use in a handful of states. That said, we still have a long way to go before the marijuana industry can fully collaborate with the sexual health industry. I live in Michigan, where weed is legal medically, but there are only a few conditions that technically qualify you to receive medical marijuana. Anxiety and sexual dysfunction are not among those qualifying conditions, but based on my experience, I think they ought to be considered legitimate criteria for a medical card.

For those of you in Colorado, Oregon, Washington, or Alaska — where recreational use is legal — know that you currently have a few great options if you’re ready to experiment with weed and sex. Geneticists have already begun creating special low-THC strains of weed that are designed to help women orgasm, weed suppositories that help ease period cramps, and weed-based lubricants. On a recent trip to Denver, I lost my shit when I saw Foria, one of those aforementioned lubes, on the shelves of a dispensary. I tried it as soon as I got back to the room where I was staying, and loved the results. Honestly, just knowing that a product like this is on the market and that people are trying to synergize weed and lube for the sake of orgasms makes me so happy.

Using marijuana as a sex aid radically changed my sex life for the better, and I strongly believe that the same potential is there for other women who are pre-orgasmic or struggling with a low libido, as long as marijuana is legal and regulated. But don’t take my word for it: If you already know you like weed and you happen to be in one of those lucky states that allow for recreational pot, light up and see for yourself.

Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity and would like to remind its readers that marijuana usage continues to be an offense under Federal Law, regardless of state marijuana laws. To learn more, click here.

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