We Tried Butt-Masking— & It Was NOT What We Expected

Illustration by Louisa Cannell
Historically speaking, there is only one way in which to properly use a face mask. Step one: Choose one of more than 4,000 options, including sheet, rubber, clay, bubble, magnetic, peel-off, shrinking, gel, or glitter. Step two: Slather said mask on your face. Step three: Rinse, wipe, or peel it off. Done.
That's how you do a face mask, plain and simple — or at least that's what we thought, until Madonna coyly alluded to an off-label usage that involved smearing it all over her behind. But that's just Madonna being Madonna, right? Apparently not: Shortly thereafter, brands started rolling out products formulated specifically for your derrière at an alarming rate. And, at that point, we just felt left out.
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So, we did what any self-respecting beauty editors would do: dropped trou and put the latest and greatest treatments to the test. You might not be able to sit and watch a Netflix show while they dry, but that's a small price to pay for an ass like Madonna's. Check out our results, ahead.
1 of 5
"I've never used a sheet mask for anything but my face, so I was surprised that I had to lay down on my stomach to apply this slippery version... which I did slowly and awkwardly, cheek by cheek. It was so freaking cold on my skin, and I didn't get a tingly feeling like the package said I would. But I did love the smell of it (like freshly-cut coconuts!) — that alone makes it worth the buy." — Nana Agyemang, associate content strategy editor

Palmer's Body Firming Sheet Mask, $6, available at Palmer's.
2 of 5
"Sexy lingerie has never been my thing, so I can safely say this hyaluronic acid and marine collagen-packed strip is the fanciest thing to ever touch my ass. Much to my surprise, the dry inserts weren't gooey or slimy, and instead stuck onto my underwear like a C-shaped sticker. It's hard to say after just four (of eight) one-hour treatments whether the sheets have worked any lifting magic on my derrière, but I do feel a little more confident walking around the apartment naked — for which I'm sure my roommates are forever grateful." — Kelsey Castañon, beauty news editor

Nannette de Gaspé Uplift Revealed Tush, $175, available at Barneys New York.
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3 of 5
"No mirror was necessary when applying this mask, though I did 'look back at it' a few times as I slathered on a big, goopy handful. Once satisfied with the pink-tinted mounds behind me, I scrolled Instagram for 20 minutes while it hardened.

"Just like clay masks for your face, this one tingles a bit as it tightens. When I was done removing the product with a damp towel, I found my skin was a little plumper, but a bit dry — a side effect I remedied with my favorite hydrating cream. Still, there's something about getting to know your assets the way I did that made the experience well worth it — and you can bet I'd do it again." — Brianna Arps, lifestyle editor

Anese That Booty Tho., $28, available at Anese.
4 of 5
"In any excuse to channel my inner Madonna for an evening, I did exactly as the undisputed Queen of Pop instructed: I grabbed a special someone, laid stomach-down on the bed, and requested they smear on this magnetic-coated clay mask that costs, if bought in conjunction with her electromagnetic wand, a cool $600. The only thing better than how it left my skin soft, supple, and smoother than ever... was the main event that came immediately after." — Castañon

MDNA Skin Chrome Clay Mask, $120, available at MDNA Skin.
5 of 5
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