We Tried Butt-Masking— & It Was NOT What We Expected

Illustration by Louisa Cannell
Historically speaking, there is only one way in which to properly use a face mask. Step one: Choose one of more than 4,000 options, including sheet, rubber, clay, bubble, magnetic, peel-off, shrinking, gel, or glitter. Step two: Slather said mask on your face. Step three: Rinse, wipe, or peel it off. Done.
That's how you do a face mask, plain and simple — or at least that's what we thought, until Madonna coyly alluded to an off-label usage that involved smearing it all over her behind. But that's just Madonna being Madonna, right? Apparently not: Shortly thereafter, brands started rolling out products formulated specifically for your derrière at an alarming rate. And, at that point, we just felt left out.
So, we did what any self-respecting beauty editors would do: dropped trou and put the latest and greatest treatments to the test. You might not be able to sit and watch a Netflix show while they dry, but that's a small price to pay for an ass like Madonna's. Check out our results, ahead.
1 of 5
"I've never used a sheet mask for anything but my face, so I was surprised that I had to lay down on my stomach to apply this slippery version... which I did slowly and awkwardly, cheek by cheek. It was so freaking cold on my skin, and I didn't get a tingly feeling like the package said I would. But I did love the smell of it (like freshly-cut coconuts!) — that alone makes it worth the buy." — Nana Agyemang, associate content strategy editor

Palmer's Body Firming Sheet Mask, $6, available at Palmer's.
2 of 5
"Sexy lingerie has never been my thing, so I can safely say this hyaluronic acid and marine collagen-packed strip is the fanciest thing to ever touch my ass. Much to my surprise, the dry inserts weren't gooey or slimy, and instead stuck onto my underwear like a C-shaped sticker. It's hard to say after just four (of eight) one-hour treatments whether the sheets have worked any lifting magic on my derrière, but I do feel a little more confident walking around the apartment naked — for which I'm sure my roommates are forever grateful." — Kelsey Castañon, beauty news editor

Nannette de Gaspé Uplift Revealed Tush, $175, available at Barneys New York.
3 of 5
"No mirror was necessary when applying this mask, though I did 'look back at it' a few times as I slathered on a big, goopy handful. Once satisfied with the pink-tinted mounds behind me, I scrolled Instagram for 20 minutes while it hardened.

"Just like clay masks for your face, this one tingles a bit as it tightens. When I was done removing the product with a damp towel, I found my skin was a little plumper, but a bit dry — a side effect I remedied with my favorite hydrating cream. Still, there's something about getting to know your assets the way I did that made the experience well worth it — and you can bet I'd do it again." — Brianna Arps, lifestyle editor

Anese That Booty Tho., $28, available at Anese.
4 of 5
"In any excuse to channel my inner Madonna for an evening, I did exactly as the undisputed Queen of Pop instructed: I grabbed a special someone, laid stomach-down on the bed, and requested they smear on this magnetic-coated clay mask that costs, if bought in conjunction with her electromagnetic wand, a cool $600. The only thing better than how it left my skin soft, supple, and smoother than ever... was the main event that came immediately after." — Castañon

MDNA Skin Chrome Clay Mask, $120, available at MDNA Skin.
5 of 5
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