A strange, unidentified object has been found off the coast of Rhode Island near Taylor Swift's house in the beachfront community of Westerly. A local news station, WPRI, has been reporting on the mysterious device for weeks now.
“It looks like a metal starfish because it has these eight legs that go down from the center,” said the president of the East Beach Association, Peter Brockmann, to WPRI in early August. He recalled that many locals didn't remember seeing it before last summer. Some postulated that it was a piece of Doppler imaging equipment, others suspected the discovery was extraterrestrial. An investigative diving expedition set out a week later to further inspect the object described as "a bit larger than a manhole cover and larger than a jumbo-size pizza."
Okay, pause for a second. If this were a movie, I would 100% go see it. It has everything needed to be the start of a cult-classic, alien invasion film. We have the quiet beach town, the mysterious object which seems to have come from out of nowhere, the local news station earnestly investigating, a leader in the community adding suspense-building commentary, but I digress.
In what sounds like the perfect beginning to a "War of the Worlds"-style blockbuster, the much-debated object was pulled from the ocean, and WPRI news reporter Jared Pliner was right there to cover it.
"An alien device? A piece of military history? Theories have been circulating for quite some time," Pliner began, also noting the proximity to Taylor Swift's seaside home. Like any good alien invasion movie, we return to the local authority figure for comment. Did Peter Brockman, President of the East Beach Association, have any answers about what the now-excavated object might be?
"Not a clue. We haven't solved anything here today," Brockman said to WPRI. Like any great alien movie, we are denied the simple closure we need, which only leaves us contemplating more extraterrestrial explanations.
Area 13, as I am now unofficially naming the site in honor of Taylor Swift, remains a mystery. WPRI reporter Jared Pliner said that no one has claimed the device yet as possible oceanographic equipment or otherwise. "I can tell you[...] it does not feel like aliens have overtaken me, that it has this nefarious feel to it," the local reporter stated. "...but I don't think we're being invaded."
In my version of the movie, Pliner would be the first to be contacted by the aliens (think "Invasion of the Body Snatchers") and act as a vessel by which the aliens communicate with humanity, so this sounds like something the aliens would want us to think.
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