What To Say If You Get Tongue-Tied During Phone Sex

Photographed by Michael Beckert.
You're all revved up and ready to have phone sex with your partner, and then the phone rings and all you can think of saying is, "I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toes, and I wanna move from the bed, down to the, down to the to the floor." Phone conversations are hard, particularly when you're supposed to sound sexy.
It's completely normal to get tongue-tied during phone sex, and you don't have to face-palm yourself if you feel this way, says Ashley Manta, a former phone sex operator and author of A Feminist's Guide To Phone Sex. "We are conditioned from an early age to experience pleasure quickly and silently, due to most of us growing up in households where masturbation required stealth and speed," Manta says. "Identifying and articulating our sexual needs is a learned skill, and one that takes practice."
And having a list of phrases to say before you start isn't dumb, it's brilliant, Manta says. "One of the ways phone sex is easier than in-person dirty talk is that it gives you the flexibility to have a cheat sheet in front of you in case you get stuck," she says. You can think of it as a Mad Libs exercise, but for sex. "Phone sex is an exercise in improv, self awareness, and communication," she says. "It can definitely feel awkward until you start to get the hang of it."
So, the next time you don't know what to say, try one of these tantalizing, roll-off-the-tongue phrases from Mantas' book.
1 of 6

I feel my cheeks flushing. My nipples are hard. I feel heat radiating from my legs. My body is craving your touch.

Why it works: If you do lose your train of thought, audibly take a deep breath or two, Manta says. While you're taking those two deep breaths, check in with your body and narrate something that's happening, she suggests.
2 of 6

I hear you breathing rapid gasps as you feel the pleasure building.

Why it works: Although much of phone sex involves noises, you should try to describe all of your senses — including sounds — in great detail. Explain the sensations you're feeling, and your partner might be able to "feel" them, too, Manta says.
3 of 6

I run my hands over my breasts, down my belly, and slip my right hand into my underwear.

Why it works: Talking about how you're masturbating is the easiest starting point for phone sex, according to Manta. And if you're at a loss for words, you could always just say nothing and let your partner listen to the natural sounds of you masturbating.
4 of 6

I can see your muscles shake as I tease your asshole, which is begging to be fingered.

Why it works: Take your time, because the longer you have on the phone with your partner, the better phone sex will be. Teasing your partner by telling them that you're "hovering" above or around their genitals will enhance the mental stimulation even further, and make them even more turned on, Manta says.
5 of 6

I'm going to bring you to the edge of orgasm until you're so overcome with need that you beg me to let you cum.

Why it works: If there's a kinky sex act that you're dying to try, but are too nervous, phone sex is the perfect time to play out those fantasies. You can bring power play into edging, for example, and bring someone to the brink of an orgasm, then slow down or stop, Manta says. You might also ask your partner to ask you for "permission" before they're "allowed" to orgasm, she says.
6 of 6

Mmm, that was so good.

Why it works: Before you start, you and your partner should decide on a phrase or word that indicates that you're finished, Manta says. Choose something that won't break the scene, like "that was so good" or "that was it." To that same point, you should also discuss who's going to start, so you're not both giggling in silence waiting for someone to speak, she says.