You may think that being a famous actress and TV producer married to a famous musician means that all aspects of your life are glamorous and shiny. Jessica Biel would like to inform you that many parts of her life are instead sticky and/or slimy, thanks to 2-year-old son Silas.
Though Biel was ostensibly visiting The Late Show to promote her USA show The Sinner, host Stephen Colbert led her into this particularly gross conversation by asking her how much of her house is covered with what is hopefully chocolate.
"Every square inch," she said. "And if it'snot the hopeful chocolate, it's stickers, and Play-Doh, and gak, and crumbs and who knows."
"You know, if you wake my kid up in the middle of the night by accident, you're dead to me," she said. Her friends are, of course, quiet and demure, she joked.
Biel has no illusions that the so-called "terrible twos" will be where this not-so-glamorous period of motherhood ends, and Colbert agreed that 3 is so much worse. "For me, this is terrible, but I've heard so much about the ‘three-teens,' " she said. By the way, the preferred term is "threenager," but the rumors are absolutely true.
At this point in the interview, Biel seemed to remember that she was on TV and that Silas might one day see this interview. "He's like the greatest of all time," she said, backtracking. "Now, I'm feeling really bad. He's cute. He's funny."
"We're going to edit out the part where you're nice to him," Colbert said, "and years from now he'll just play this for his therapist."