The 30 Grossest Things Lil Wayne Has Ever Said About Vaginas & Other Stuff

Photo: Earl Gibson/Getty Images.
Whether you think he's a rap god or a rapping jackass, you can't deny that Lil Wayne has a way with words. How, exactly, you describe that "way" is subjective: Genius, vile, hilarious, horrifying, brilliant, and vulgar are all acceptable options. One thing we can all agree on is that the dude puts a lot of weird shit in his lyrics.
In honor of Lil Wayne's (born Dwayne Michael Carter Jr.) 34th birthday, we decided to examine some of his favorite rap topics, which include: sex, oral sex, weed, being the shit, money, his penis, not giving a shit, the female form, and vaginas. Especially vaginas. The lyrics to some of his songs basically read like a crude thesaurus entry, but his favorite term — as will soon become abundantly clear — is indubitably "pussy."
Now, dear reader, please pause for a moment and ask yourself if you're the type to get offended by what most people consider lewd, savage descriptions of the female anatomy and sexual intercourse. If so, I urge you to read something else. (May I suggest this slideshow of a Halloween dog parade or this video of a small child reciting dinosaur names?) Because much of what you're about to read is A. disgusting, B. insulting, C. demeaning, D. all of the above.

Brace yourself and enjoy (?) reading Lil Wayne's 30 grossest lyrics, mostly about vaginas but also fun things like butts, dicks, and feces.
1 of 30
"I’m in the crib butt-naked, bitch / She said my dick could be the next Black president."

Something tells me your penis' electability is actually pretty low, Weezy.
2 of 30
Photo: Chris McKay/Getty Images.
"I'm in the ocean getting shark pussy."

Not a friend to the marine conservation movement.
3 of 30
Photo: Earl Gibson/Getty Images.
“Beat the pussy up, call me Larry Holmes.”
— “Miss Me”

Don't. Don't do that.
4 of 30
Photo: Prince Williams/WireImage.
"Yeah, I’m da pussy monster, da pussy monster / Da pussy monster, da pussy monster / And you betta feed me, pussy, pussy."
— “Miss Me”

His favorite word is suddenly becoming very clear.
5 of 30
14. Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images.
"You don't want my stomach ache; I shit on them cats."
— "500 Degreez"

Not the cats, Weezy. Please don't shit on the cats.
6 of 30
Photo: Gilbert Carrasquillo/Getty Images.
“And I be the shit, now you got loose bowels / I don't owe you like two vowels."
— “A Milli”

Is he trying to say he's akin to a laxative?
7 of 30
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
"I'm a venereal disease / Like a menstrual bleed."
— "A Milli"

Comparing periods to STDs? Rude. Also inaccurate.
8 of 30
Photo: Buckner/Variety/REX/Shutterstock.
"I flushed out the feeling of me being the shit / 'Cause I was leaving skid marks on everywhere I sit.”
— “Lollipop Remix” feat. Kanye West

Consider investing in a bidet, Dwayne.
9 of 30
Photo: Scott Legato/Getty Images.
“My new shoes is ass-kickers; she drink cum like she had hiccups.”
— “Pure Colombia”

Yeah, pretty sure that is not a recommended treatment for hiccups.
10 of 30
Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage.
"Enough with the small talk, my girl pussy is a water-park."
— "Typa Way" (feat. T.I.)

Cost of admission: You will never be able to afford it.
11 of 30
Photo: Kevin Winter/ Getty Images.
"Diarrhea music when I let this hot shit leak."
— "It's Young Money" feat. Gudda Gudda

For the love of god, stop singing about hot diarrhea.
12 of 30
Photo: Owen Sweeney/REX/Shutterstock.
"Swagger tighter than a yeast infection / Fly, go hard, like geese erection."
— "Dr. Carter"

Clearly, Weezy has never had to deal with a yeast infection. No swag.
13 of 30
Photo: RMV/REX/Shutterstock.
"Almost drowned in her pussy, so I swam to her butt."
— "The Motto"

Such a deep appreciation for the female form.
14 of 30
Photo: Denise Truscello/WireImage.
"I dive in that pussy, ya I belly flop, I jack knife."
— "Strange Clouds"

He's really a fan of those vagina as body of water metaphors.
15 of 30
Photo: Owen Sweeney/REX/Shutterstock.
"Pop that pussy like a zit."
— "Pop That,” French Montana feat. Rick Ross, Drake & Lil Wayne

BRB vomiting.
16 of 30
Photo: RMV/REX/Shutterstock.
“She say sorry I didn't shave so that pussy a little furry / I put that pussy in my face: I ain't got no worries.”
— “No Worries” (feat. Detail)

Is "furry" really even the right adjective here?
17 of 30
Photo: REX/Shutterstock.
“My tongue is a uzi, my dick is a AK / My tongue go brrrrt, my dick go pow.”
— "Wowzerz" (feat. Trina)

Please hold your fire, sir.
18 of 30
Photo: MediaPunch/REX/Shutterstock.
“Got a sweet tooth, candy yam pussy / I'mma leave that ass smoking like a Amsterdam tourist man.”
— "Wowzerz" (feat. Trina)

The best oral sex is the kind that reminds you of Thanksgiving, am I right?
19 of 30
Photo: REX/Shutterstock.
"But I'm trying to eat healthier, so I ate a veggie / Sucked on that pussy, I feel better already."
— "Wowzerz" (feat. Trina)

Who's going to tell him that's not actually a good source of vitamins?
20 of 30
Photo: Thaddaeus McAdams/FilmMagic.
"Hope that pussy tastes like pudding / Then I give that hoe the boot / Hold up, let me put my foot in."
— "Wowzerz" (feat. Trina)

It won't. Please keep your feet to yourself.
21 of 30
Photo: Michael Buckner/Variety/REX/Shutterstock.
"Holy shit, I'm the holy shit, I'm God's manure.”
— “Glory”

Poop puns, as God intended.
22 of 30
Photo: Chris McKay/Getty Images.
"Bad bitches in flower dresses with tight pussies / I found the crevice."
— "Murda"

Gird your crevices, ladies.
23 of 30
Photo: Chris McKay/Getty Images.
"I hope that pussy warmer than luke, and sweet as Godiva / Suck this dick and swallow that nut, and call it penis colada."
— "Wowzers"

I'm good, thanks.
24 of 30
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
"That pussy boneless, that's Chick-fil-A."

"One boneless vagina combo and a large soda, please."
25 of 30
Photo: Erika Goldring/Getty Images.
"She said I'm the one, girl you the one too / I stand up in that pussy like a sunroof."
— "Romance"

Okay, but how does that even work, though?
26 of 30
Photo: Alberto Rodriguez/BET/Getty Images.
"Your flow never wet, like grandma pussy / I'm always good, like grandma cookies."
— “Wasted”

Grandma dropped dead shortly after hearing this.
27 of 30
Photo: Prince Williams/WireImage.
"Boy I send them bloods at your ass like a tampon."
— “MegaMan”

Yep, he totally nailed how that whole tampon thing works.
28 of 30
Photo: Paras Griffin/Getty Images.
"I wax that ass, she make that Mr. Miyagi face."
— "Typa Way" (feat. T.I.)

Wax on, wax off, karate chop his ass, and run.
29 of 30
Photo: Jonathan Leibson/Getty Images.
"It's Young Money baby, take your clothes off / Give me them three holes, bowling ball."
— "Two Shots"

Yeah, tell her you want to touch her like a bowling ball, she'll totally be flattered.
30 of 30
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images.
"Yes I talk shit, got to defecate to conversate / Weezy fuck the world / Yep I fuck it ’til it ovulate.”
— “Bill Gates”