This Is Why I Find Hiddleswift Personally Offensive

Photo: Jim Smeal/REX/Shutterstock.
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston's romance is quite incredible.

Tall, moody British actor meets tall, cheery all-American singer. It's a match made in Hollywood heaven (and fan fiction).

But, to me, it really is unbelievable. As in, I do not believe it.

It's almost insulting for Swift to think that she could just coyly make out with Hiddleston on a pile of rocks in Rhode Island and expect us to think that it was an organic PDA moment, with paparazzi standing at attention behind the nearest trees. At most, it seems like a PR-fueled fling. That, or it's totally fake.

Swift's been famous for over a decade now. She knows how the whole "keep it on the DL" dating thing goes. This was a Spencer Pratt-esque paps setup, as The Hills alum suggested in an interview with Cosmopolitan last week.

The timeline of the whole Swiddleston (or Hiddleswift) relationship is pretty vague, too. She met the actor at the Met Gala, dumped Calvin Harris, and is ready to reveal their romance already? I know she has blank spaces to fill, but... this is sorta shady.

Adding fuel to my "this relationship is for press" celebspiracy theory are not one, not two, but THREE major events that happened tangentially to the big relationship reveal that cannot be mere coincidences.

1. Kim Kardashian's much anticipated GQ cover came out the day after news leaked of Swift's new guy. Why does this matter? Well, in the interview, Kardashian flat-out calls Swift a liar with regards to the much-talked-about line from "Famous." In the song, Kanye West raps that he still might have sex with Swift because he made her famous. Swift's reps vehemently denied that the singer had anything to do with the lyric, saying she would never approve West's misogynist remarks. Kardashian is singing a totally different tune, though. She told GQ that Swift not only approved the lyric, but that there's a recording of the conversation. Apparently, Swift's lawyers are keen to make sure that audio ever sees the light of day.

2. Calvin Harris released a music video with Rihanna the day after the Swiddleston pictures hit the web, but everyone was too busy talking about his ex and her new beau. Right now, when one Googles "Calvin Harris," the top story is "Tom Hiddleston vs. Calvin Harris: Who'd You Rather," compliments of TMZ.

3. Hiddleston himself is in a new feature for W magazine. How strange! The timing is impeccable. The headline of the piece is literally, "No Wonder Taylor Swift is Smitten with Tom Hiddleston," and the two have not even acknowledged publicly that they are a couple. Geez.

The thing is, Swift has done this time and time again. She seems like a sweet girl, but she also knows how to hustle to keep her name at the top of every newsfeed. And that involves frequently switching up her roster of romantic interests, which I respect. But come on, other sites agree that this one seems all too convenient.

To summarize the above lament in two words: Team Hiddlefake.

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