The 11 Worst Pieces Of Advice Amber Rose Gives Women In Her New Book

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I had high hopes for Amber Rose’s book. You could say it’s because I’ve spent the past few months watching her shut down sexist bullshit. Take, for example, her response to a GQ story that ignored her own professional achievements and simply listed her as Kanye’s former girlfriend and Wiz Khalifa’s “baby mama.” And what about her VMA outfit that was decorated with all the nasty names she’s been called? Most recently, she encouraged women to embrace their sexuality in her Slut Walk. (And on a smaller scale, her Funny or Die video about the walk of no shame.) So, when I picked up Rose’s How to Be a Bad Bitch, which hits bookstores today, I expected more empowerment, more sticking it to the man.

But the truth is, I struggled with her book. Much of it reads like “how to live your life to please men." Her advice attempts to dress itself up in feminism, only to cave in on itself. For a book that purports to use a no-judgment policy as its foundation, How to Be a Bad Bitch comes off as extremely judgmental. Small moments of advice that are actually interesting — like the importance of having a vision for yourself and experimenting with your look — feel insincere. If a "bad bitch" is supposed to be a cooler word for feminism — perhaps a nod to the fact that some women have distanced themselves from the f-word — it’s lost in pages that might as well have been ripped out of a retrograde women’s magazine.

I was looking forward to discussing some of these points with Rose and listening to what she had to say, but via her publicist, she abruptly cancelled our phone interview scheduled for yesterday morning. Her team could not guarantee Rose would be available for a rescheduled chat by my deadline.

And so, we'll have to try to unpack Rose's philosophy on our own. Herewith, 11 of the most puzzling points from How to Be a Bad Bitch.

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“[Guys like] girls who can hang with the guys — and, sad but true — play video games — but who can still be very feminine.”

The “cool girl” stereotype needs to end. It may be true that there’s an idealized version of a woman who can chug beers on football Sundays but then fit perfectly into a size 4 dress. But we all saw Gone Girl. It ends well for no one. Why not a “just do you” mantra?
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“[Guys like] girls who don’t get jealous or weird.”

What does that even mean? Keeping jealousy in check could be read as a sign of maturity (for both sexes), but not in this context. Here, it’s listed as one of the bullet points under “Things Guys Like” and is more about pandering to your partner’s feelings than staying true to your own.
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“Men cheat, period. Maybe he hasn’t cheated on you yet, but there will come a time when most men do seek fulfillment outside the relationship, whether it’s with work, the gym, or another woman. Unfortunately, it’s often with another woman, as an estimated 25-75% of married men cheat.”

Well, for starters, this statistic doesn’t make sense, nor is it backed up by a source. And it reads as a scare tactic. Newsflash! Not all men cheat, and arguing otherwise is dishonest. Plus, painting a picture that any member of the male species is never going to be as fully invested in a relationship as a female automatically puts the woman in an inferior position. Everyone loses.
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“I think sometimes girls get intimidated by blow jobs because they don’t really know what to do, or they haven’t figured out how to enjoy it, and so it becomes a chore... Honestly, so many guys love a classy lady who can be a freak in the bedroom, rather than yet another girl who’s just lying on her back... If you’re giving a blow job and you don’t want to swallow, get him to give you a facial instead. Guys love the money shot.”

Where do I even begin? How about the fact that some women may not enjoy giving blow jobs because it involves putting a dick in your mouth? How about the fact that some women don’t have male partners? How about exploring the idea that, even if a woman does enjoy giving blow jobs because it makes her feel empowered, it can be incredibly demeaning to have someone then spew all over her face? And again, can we not perpetuate this idea of a lady in the streets but a freak between the sheets? Why are women constantly expected to be both a prostitute and Susie Homemaker? No more Madonna/whore, please.
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“Have you ever seen a girl on a dance floor who isn’t very attractive but truly does not give a fuck what anybody says about her, and she is just killing it and having the most fun in the whole club, and all the guys love her?”

This contradicts Rose's assertion that a bad bitch never judges other women. How is she lifting up her fellow women by making such a big deal about those who aren't "very attractive"? It's deeply condescending.
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“Always smile. Even when you’re not happy on the inside, continue to exude positivity.”

This is one of Rose’s “Rules To Live By." But the language is awfully reminiscent of a popular cat call. Suffer in silence? Yeah, no thanks.
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“Never be a hater. Complimenting other women can make you look way iller than being bitchy and negative. When you walk into a party and make a big deal out of talking up the hottest girl in the room, you exude pure confidence. I do that all the time. Also, there’s no need to be trash-talking. Being from South Philly, and I will smack a girl down if she gives me reason to, but I never start a conflict or run my mouth. It doesn’t pay.”

It’s one thing to say you never start conflict or run your mouth, but it's mighty hypocritical coming from someone who made headlines for publicly judging Kim Kardashian about her sex tape. Also, with Rose, everything seems to begin and end with a woman's hotness.
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“I’m very serious about this: every girl should have a gay best friend. There are so many reasons. Obviously, it’s a stereotype that all gay boys know about fashion and makeup, but my gay friends do tend to give me some of the best inspiration and feedback on my look, ever. And whatever my gay BFFs are talking to me about, they tend to be really honest and up-front.”

This mandate might be less noxious if Rose's book didn't completely ignore the existence of gay people. She defines the "bad bitch" in a strictly heterosexual way, wherein said BB must cater to men. A bad bitch can't be gay herself, according to Rose, but she has no problem using gay people for her own gain.
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“You don’t have to be so professional that you’re a bitch.”

Sorry, what? What does "professional" have to do with "bitch"? Oh, right. Rose is stuck in that old stereotype about powerful, opinionated women being harpies. Rose also plays fast and loose with the word "bitch" itself. Here, "bitch" is derogatory, elsewhere it's a term of empowerment. (See: "Figure Out Who This Bitch Is.")
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“If he’s not interested, he’s not interested. There truly is a guy out there for everyone. But if he does text you, don’t text him back for 10 minutes. You’re busy, ladies.”

Or, you could just text a guy when you feel like it, and if he thinks that’s weird, then it’s probably not going to work out. Plenty of women waste hours of their life needlessly analyzing texts from crushes. Rose's advice encourages this.
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“Don’t avoid getting seconds of food if you’re still hungry. From my own experience, a lot of guys find it very attractive.”

To be clear: You should always get seconds, thirds, sevenths, whatever you feel like eating. But don’t do it because guys will think you’re hot for it. Do it for your own damn self.