What Your Friends With Fertility Issues Actually Want You To Say

Illustrated by Paola Delucca.
To mark National Infertility Awareness Week, Refinery29 is dedicating a full week of coverage to an open discussion about becoming a parent. Check out more here.

This article was originally published on March 24, 2016.

Baby-making is supposed to be a beautiful time in a woman’s life, full of emotional closeness, gleeful anticipation, and a lot of hot, unprotected boning. But if, like me, your ovaries haven’t gotten the message, it quickly becomes about as magical as a trip to the DMV — and at least at the DMV, they let you keep your pants on.

Chances are, you know a woman like me: someone who’s always wanted children and knows she’d make a great mom, but whose baby-making regimen now consists of sterile fertility clinic visits and self-administered injections instead of knockin’ boots to Barry White. Not sure how to handle your friend who’s so pumped full of hormones that the mere sight of a stroller can send her into a five-hour crying jag? Who can blame you? That’s why I created this guide.

Ahead, eight things you really shouldn’t ever say to a woman who’s trying to get pregnant — and yes, I’ll explain why. But don’t cancel brunch plans just yet: I’ve also provided safe, comforting alternatives that won’t send us careening face-first into our French toast. Ready to navigate one of life’s most delicate social situations? Let’s go.