Jack-O'-Lanterns We Want, But Will Never Be Able To Carve

I always start my Halloween season in the same way: with grand visions of carving the most amazing jack-o'-lantern, making homemade Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters, and creating an amazing costume to answer the door in. Then, I kind of forget that it's Halloween season until October 30th, have a total meltdown, reprimand myself for being such a damn procrastinator, and end up buying a grab bag of assorted candies of an ungodly size from CVS. Needless to say, I have not carved a pumpkin (or made a costume, for that matter). So this year, I am just going to be honest with myself: I'm terrible at home crafts, and I am never going to make this all happen. But that doesn't mean I can't torture myself look at pumpkin art that is a feast for the eyes.

If I could do it, what would I carve? Maybe Elsa from Frozen?

A photo posted by Monica (@mdavenhar) on


Nah — that's kid stuff. Time to let it go. Sorry, focus: maybe something a little more Halloween-y, like this guy's whole (satanist-inspired?) farm scene on a huge pumpkin face.

Maybe that's a little too involved. Ooh, look here! This one has nothing to do with Halloween, but it's carved out of pumpkin flesh and, I mean, hello — impressive, am I right?

Okay, no big deal; this person just used Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel masterpiece as inspiration for a pumpkin (show-off).

A photo posted by Aurum (@kentuckytavern) on


Or, if I were feeling less Italian and more Dutch, I could use my pumpkin to reproduce Van Gogh's Starry Night:

A photo posted by Jordan Dunn (@thejordandunn) on


Or maybe go a little less moody — but still arty — with Norman Rockwell?

Oh! Maybe a creepy Chesire Cat?

A photo posted by Kate C (@tratie81) on


Or just plain scary and aggressive with a wolf face.

A photo posted by @louisvillebeerstore on


Or, for full-on art-installation status, I could go all Ray Villafane (Master of Pumpkin Carving) and create my worst nightmare: a zombie apocalypse.

OMG, are you kidding me?

This is...I have no words.

On the upside, I love that this one tries to encourage me.

But you know what? No, Walt Disney. I may dream of making great jack-o'-lanterns, but that doesn't mean I'll ever have the skill (or patience) to accomplish this level of pumpkin artistry.

More from Food & Drinks

When ex-teen Rachel Gelmis was drug tested, she knew she was clean. But the test thought differently. Her results were, like, insanely positive for a lot ...
It's no secret that food is one of the best categories for nostalgia. Who doesn't wax poetic about snack foods like Dunkaroos? But not all of our favorite...
If you've got a Trader Joe's in your neighborhood, chances are it's your go-to supermarket. It's cheap, convenient, and the snacks are unbeatable. It ...
S'mores are a messy dessert favorite. But why not skip the sticky situation and enjoy yours in a cone
Turmeric has quickly become classified as one of those magic superfoods — you know, the ones that you're always hearing about. This spice is basically the ...
While some people might be trying to get you to delete your Instagram food pics, there are many, many more tinkering around in their high-tech laboratories...
Growing up, your parents may have told you to be grateful for your food, because some people are starving. Now, your own meals can actually help other ...
(Paid Content) Scrambled eggs for breakfast? Yawn. Standard-issue pancakes? Predictable. To effectively get us out of bed in the a.m., we prefer a morning ...
Coffee lovers of the world, get ready. We have news that might make even a die-hard caffeine addict à la Lorelai Gilmore jump up and down in excitement. ...
DIY cotton candy ice cream that doesn't require an ice cream maker? Winning
Whether you're brunching or, uh, dinnering, etiquette is of the utmost importance when dining out. And no, we don't mean keeping your elbows off the table...
Once in college, I had a friend Google "how to make a grilled cheese," and I remember being completely baffled that someone would need a step-by-step ...
Once the vegetable our moms would have to beg us to try ("just a bite!"), today, we can't get enough of cauliflower. It practically defines the word ...
Great drinks, a perfect soundtrack, the perfect lighting: all these things can make a party good. But what makes a get-together memorable? The food. Once ...