In the age of constant communication, 24/7 jobs, and mandatory multitasking, finding a moment for reflection is almost impossible — almost. Courtney Somer made mental wellness her mission, creating Eyla, an online resource packed with inspiration and real-life tools to maintain your personal peace. We'll be sharing some of this goodness every week on R29 Guest Stars, so whether you're looking get spiritual, clear your mind, or just read some motivating interviews, Eyla is here to help you shine brighter.
I’ve recently become much more aware of what I say, and I admit that sometimes, I would not want to be the one listening! The fact is we all complain sometimes, but lately, I’ve noticed people that complain constantly. Starting with a focus on one thing, and when that is resolved, the complaint is just moved onto the next item, topic or person. Some people can complain up to 30 times a day.
So why do we complain?
Because it feels good, in the immediate sense, it gives a feeling of connection with others and it feels even better when people agree with you. But is it really doing you any good? Would you want to be around you if you really listened to what you were saying? I know that complaining can feel like its so much easier than actually doing the work or fixing the problem, but it won’t change your situation.
In fact, when you complain, you are being held in a place of refusing to receive the things you are asking for. You can’t be in a positive state of receiving or allowing the good of the universe to flow to you. For example, if you are feeling broke and looking to increase your financial abundance, if you find yourself constantly complaining about things such as how you don’t make enough money, everything is so expensive and all you do is pay bills, that is more of what will show up in your experience. And instead of focusing on solving the problem, you’ll be creating more things to complain about.
Here are 7 ways to complain less:
1. Listen to what you are saying and how you are saying it. Most of the time, you’re not even aware of how much negativity you can be thinking and saying. When you catch yourself about to complain, stop and ask who it’s serving to make that statement. What could you say instead? When you are talking to other people be positive and feel good while you are saying what you are.
2. Be grateful. The more grateful you are, the less negativity will come from you. An easy exercise is to think of 3 things every morning you can be grateful for. This could be as simple as being thankful for the existence of coffee and the electricity that makes your coffee machine run. This helps to shift your mindset to seeing how much there is to be happy about. Added bonus, the universe loves when you are grateful and will provide more things to be grateful for.
3. Consider the company you keep. Other people’s energy can affect you greatly. After being with someone, do you feel drained? If so, limit your time with them and aim to surround yourself with people who are fun, uplifting and grateful.
4. Take care of yourself. If you are run down, losing sleep and eating poorly it can be that much harder to have a positive outlook. I know when I’m tired, I tend to be much more full of complaints. If you are worn down, do things that will make you de-stress and relax such as meditation, deep breathing techniques, taking a personal day or getting a massage. Engaging in things that you like to do that are beneficial for yourself, will uplift your spirits.
5. Be the change you want to see. If you are feeling unappreciated, give appreciation. If you want to attract love, be in love with yourself first. If you are being in the state of that which you want to attract, you will create more of what you are giving out to the world.
6. Change what you focus on & take action. If you shift to thinking about the solution to your problem, rather then the problem itself, and you put an action plan in place, you’d feel a sense of relief immediately. It can be small steps, but take them for the next 7 days and then see how you feel. Back to the example of financial woes, if you saved x amount of money every day for the next week or made your breakfast at home instead of buying it, you could realize how much less you could spend.
7. Try it. Stop complaining for 1 day, then 1 week. Do you have nothing to say? How does it feel? You’ll most likely notice how much other people complain. Do not wallow in their misery with them, this takes you down to a negative state. Instead, try lifting them out of it with a simple statement “I’m sorry you feel that way, maybe try this…” And leave it at that.
“If you’re not thinking a negative thought, your vibration is going to raise to its natural positive place.” – Abraham Hicks
Simple Meditation for Being Happy
This is called the Smiling Buddha kriya:
- Sit in easy pose or a comfortable seated position and curl the ring & pinking fingers in, holding them down with the thumbs. Keep your index and middle finger pointed straight.
- Bring your hands up to just above the shoulders, so that the elbows are bent and pushed back slightly, palms facing forward.
- Close your eyes and roll them up to the center of your brow, or 3rd eye point.
- Mentally chant the mantra “Sa-Ta-Na-Ma.” Sa represents the infinite, Ta expresses life, Na expresses diminishing, Ma expresses light and regeneration.
- Do this for 3 minutes, building up to 7 minutes, to finish inhale & exhale deeply and open and close your fists a few times then relax.
Photo: Alison Scarpulla/Courtesy of Eyla