Our Anacondas Don't Want None Unless You've Got A Man Bun

Photo: Picture Perfect/REX USA.
We like man buns, and we cannot lie
You other lovers can't deny
That if a guy walks by looking mad munchy
It’s probably 'cuz he used a big old scrunchy
We start to feel sweaty, and our faces turn red
When we see that thing growing out of his head
Shout-out to the boys and the male-identified
We’re hooked on your buns because they’re looking so fly
We can’t stop looking, we can’t stop staring
You all are so fine when you’re out there Jane Eyre-ing
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Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages.
Jared Leto's man bun is the Mount Olympus of the Mun* world. Made for the Gods, worshipped by mortals, and a true effort to climb.

*This is a term we have coined. You can have it. Enjoy.
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Photo: Beretta/Sims/REX USA.
Gavin Rossdale's man bun calms the young with its hypnotizing powers.
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Photo: Picture Perfect/REX USA.
Do you know how many secrets are hidden in Leonardo DiCaprio's man bun? Do you even know how many?!?!
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Enjoy the rare "half-pony" mun, caught in its natural habitat (on Adrien Grenier's head).
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Photo: Picture Perfect/REX USA.
The man bun is a versatile, adaptable specimen. Here you have it in a fancy, rarified environment, sitting atop Kit Harington's head.
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Photo: WireImage.
Olivier Theyskens shows us that even the French* can appropriately rock a bun. Except in France, it is called chignon d'homme. How very.

*Turns out Theyskens is Belgian, not French. But, he speaks French and lives in France, so we stand by our essential point.
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Photo: REX USA/Picture Perfect.
Colin Farrell's man bun may not be the most masculine of the bunch, but the little guy is trying so hard to be a true bun. It's just trying so hard. Props to its little tendrils of hair, props indeed.
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Photo: REX USA.
"Man Bun It Like Beckham."
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Photo: GADE/AKM GSI.
The Harry Styles man bun is actually a ponytail, but we would get flogged by our editorial director if we didn't include him. To be fair, this is more of a "sprout." A man sprout.
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Photo: REX USA/Erik Pendzich.
And, the Gods looked down and said, "LET THERE BE BUN" and, as such, Chris Hemsworth was born.
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Photo: Getty Images.
If you look deep enough into the center of Jason Momoa's man bun, you can actually see all of eternity splayed out before you, in an intricate but still conceivable pattern.
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Photo: MaxNY/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES.
There is a furious debate in the scholarly study of Man-bunology concerning beard versus no beard. On one hand, many theorists suggest the absence of facial hair creates an asymmetry that is pleasing to the eye. Jake Gyllenhaal, foremost expert in the field, however, claims otherwise.
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Photo: Getty Images.
Xavier Malisse's man bun, though not quite considered a performance-enhancing mechanism, has been optimized for pure aerodynamic action.
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