How Can You Be As Gorgeous As Beyoncé? Turns Out, You Can't

The perfect red pout. The perkiest topknot, ever. That luminous, post-Blue Ivy glow. Sigh.
Beyoncé’s rocked a lot of iconic beauty looks over the years (and some crazier Destiny’s Child-era looks, too). And now — finally! — her makeup artist is spilling the deets on how to get as gorgeous as Baddie Bey herself. The secret is to, um, be Beyoncé. Godammit.
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See, makeup artist to the stars Wei Lang (house calls only, please), does Beyoncé’s makeup — but only for red-carpet events. That’s because Beyoncé doesn’t really like makeup. Because Beyoncé doesn’t need makeup. Because Beyoncé is made of moonbeams and magic, unlike us mortals. The ladies of The Cut tried as hard as they could to pry the deets out of Lang, but no luck. Let’s review some of the highlights of B’s “routine,” shall we?
How does Beyoncé’s skin stay so flawless?
“I don’t really use a lot of makeup on her. She has flawless skin, so I don't want to cover that up.”
Okaaay. Highlighters, face shimmer, anything?
“I only use that on her forehead and under her eyes for a little highlighting. She doesn’t need much.”
Oh, come on — little help for the plain Janes, here. Okay, what about the eyes — how does Bey get her signature, wide-eyed look?
“For the Obama fund-raiser, we did false lashes first, but we took them off, because it was a little too much. She didn’t really need it.”
So, there you have it, folks. This makeup artist actually removed beauty products from Beyoncé’s face, because it was such an affront to her natural beauty. Putting makeup on Beyoncé is like throwing a tarp over a rainbow, people!
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So, while the world's less fortunate continue to apply concealer to our problem skin with a trowel, and draw a pretty face on top of our regular face each day, Beyoncé walks in perfect beauty, with clear skin, glossy hair, and nails that manicure themselves. And she can sing, and dance, and has season tickets to the Nets, and is a millionaire, too. Man, some girls have all the luck.
See the entire (not-so-helpful) interview over at The Cut.
Beyonce Open
Image via The Cut.
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