A Craigslist poster who describes himself as a 40-year-old white male of "strong and pure" stock — alarm bells should be ringing — posted quite the personal ad this week. He's looking for the right (preferably fertile, and local to the Pacific Northwest) woman to "make love" to while watching the eclipse in Oregon, with an aim to conceiving a child. Said child will be "on the next level of human evolution" and almost certainly be sporting a MAGA cap.
The ad, which reads like something Joseph Goebbels might have dictated to his secretary, doesn't specify what might happen to the baby, who would raise it, and if he's seeking a relationship outside of conception. He is, however, open to nitrous oxide and the idea that two strangers can achieve simultaneous orgasms and get pregnant on the first try in about two minutes flat. No pressure.
"We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun," he states in the ad, which has since been removed. "Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets."
In addition to boasting some serious cosmic orgasmic energy, a "worthy female" must also possess "strong genes, beauty, and smarts." There's just one deal-breaker, and it's not a Clinton 2016 bumper sticker.
"You must like cats," the ad notes.
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